Today was just a normal day dressing up to hide my pain.... This weekend was rough....Me and my friend that i want to be more then friends with fought. I think we're better now. We always talk it out in the end. He makes me happy, but i don't think my friends understand that. He is one of my best friends. My other best friend is Brea. She is the part that keeps me going....but lately everybody in my life is calling me a bum. So now im working my ass of literally. Im trying so hard now to be the skinny old me that wasn't made fun of and called fat from my friends and family. They may joke about it but it still hurts alot. They don't know that i look at my stomach and get upset. They don't know i look in the mirror and want to cry. I have learned to be quite about your feelings then people won't hurt you. I don't like my life at times. I'm not going to lie i have thought of bad things.....Its the truth. I do believe that even the happiest person in the world will go through a rough stage. Maybe thats whats happening to me, just a rough stage in life. I hope. I really feel torn in two peices. One side its happy but then theres the other side that just is sad. I think there will always be that sad side. It wasn't always there but it will now. Ive had it since i was about eight. It was when my parents got divorced. It started the tears and fears of my life. Now things just keep adding on.
