Harsh Lesson

    It was so dark when you opened your eyes. You could feel a pressure on your stomach. You looked to see what was there that wasn't letting you breathe normally. You almost yelled when you saw Shinya Hiiragi sleeping on your abdomen. His white hair was spread across the blanket that was covering you. His beautiful eyes were closed and he looked tired...so tired. Why was he here? And where was this "here"? You looked around you. It was a hospital room, white sheets, medical equipment and that strange smell of sorrow characteristic to all hospitals. But why were you here in the first place? You closed your eyes and tried to remember. It was a bad idea. Everything came to you at once. You saw dead bodies. The corpses of your friends, your family. You remembered now. You were sent in a mission with your squad. It was supposed to be a really easy one. Just go there, kill 3 normal vampires and go home for dinner. But it was a trap. As soon as you arrived there you found out that those "3 normal vampires" were actually 5 nobles. You tried your best to fight and you were doing pretty well but then you looked behind. Your friends were slaughtered one by one. One by one, their bodies hit the ground, their faces stoned in a horrified expression. "NO!" you cried and fought to save at least one of them. But it was futile. Before knowing, all of them were dead. Your family was murdered before your eyes. Apart from sorrow, an awful feeling was boiling inside you: rage. You wanted revenge. You started your attack but you couldn't fight 5 nobles at the same time. Soon enough, one of them caught you. "Well, you thought, I kind of deserve to meet the same death as them." at least you were going to meet your family again. You had only one regret : you didn't tell your good friend, Shinya, that what you were feeling for him was not friendship anymore. It wasn't as if you expected something in return. You knew that kind of relationship was not possible. He was the Major General and you were just his soldier friend. But still, you would've liked to tell him before dying. You felt the damn vampire's fangs in your neck and pain exploded in your veins as he kept sucking your blood. You closed your eyes and wished it was all over soon.
Tears were running down your cheeks. Why weren't you dead? Why were you here and your squad wasn't? It was your fault that they died. If only you could've been stronger. You were their leader, you were supposed to lead them to victory. Thoughts were circling in your head and you couldn't stop sobbing.
–You're finally awake! you could hear Shinya's whisper.
It looked like you woke him up with your sobbing. You looked into those deep blue eyes. He had dark circles under his eyes. That usual playful smile that was always on his face was gone and he looked older. And tired, so so tired.
-How? How did you save me? How did you know we were in trouble?
-Hanabusa told me before...before all that madness started.
Ahh, Hanabusa, your dear friend. He had a special gift. Due to his demon he could talk to the others telepathically. It was such a useful gift especially in battles.
-He was giving me the report when you were attacked. I heard him screaming your name. Within his last seconds, he told me what happened. I couldn't stand the idea of leaving you there so I had to come. Had I saved at least you, I would've been happy.
-Are you insane?!
You couldn't believe your ears. He rushed alone to the battlefield just to save you? He could've died there. Now you were horrified.
-You shouldn't have come. What's the point anyway? I let my comrades die, I should embrace their fate. I deserve dying, but you...you are important here, you are crucial for the army, how could you do such a stupid thing? I know you're always doing stupid things, but this is to a whole new level even for you. You should know better about sacrifices, you face them all the time!
-But I don't face your death all the time! he yelled.
Now he was furious. It was the first time in a few years that you saw Shinya furious. That emotion was just not for him. He was frowning in a strange way and he had a fierce look on his face.
-Don't you dare saying that you should die. What happened there was our mistake. Ours! We should've known better. We shouldn't have trusted that piece of information. If it's anyone's fault, it's ours, we sent you there! Stop shouldering everything on your own. And yes, maybe I'm important for the army, but you're even more important to me. I couldn't have lived knowing that I left you there alone.
He was such a good friend, you couldn't help but cry harder. He just risked his life to save you when you didn't even want to be saved.
-But how did you do it? There were 3 nobles remained, did you manage to kill them?
-Nope, I'm not as crazy as to think that I can defeat 3 nobles on my own. You were amazing by the way, killing 2 out of 5 alone. Byakkomaru managed to distract them while I took you out of there. But... I don't think that I could ever forget that horrible scene. That damn vampire! It had its fangs in your neck and you were lying in its arms with a pained expression on your face. All I wanted to do was to kill them all. I wanted to make sure that they pay for what they did to you, but I had to think rationally. I took you out of there and came here to the hospital. But you still didn't want to wake up. I thought that maybe it was too late, his voice was trembling and he wasn't looking straight into your eyes.
You weren't used to this part of him. He was usually just playing around, making fun of you. It was strange, but you liked this caring part of him. You cupped his cheeks and forced him to face you.
-You have to live. You have to save the world, remember?
-How can I save the world when I can't even save the woman I love?
-What?!
Was he making fun of you in these moments? But there wasn't even the slightest trace of amusement on his face. He was being serious.
-I'm sorry I've waited so much to tell you. I was waiting for the best moment, but that moment never came. I had to see you dying to convince myself that I have to tell you how I feel. I know I'm an idiot for telling you in this moment. I had so many chances to tell you before and I chose the worst possible moment. Yeah, I have the worst timing ever.
Weren't these words what you dreamed about so many times? But you couldn't feel as happy as you wanted, your heart was aching and you still thought that you didn't deserve to be saved.
-You don't have to say anything, he said. I'm just afraid that I might lose the chance to tell you, I just want to have no regrets.
He started to smile, a warm, kind, beautiful smile.
-You know what I was thinking when I thought I was going to die? you asked.
-Probably you were taking the blame on yourself.
-Apart from that.
-I have no idea, he answered honestly.
-I was thinking about how much I wanted to see you at least once more. Just to tell you this "I don't love you as a friend anymore. I just love you".
Usually, you would have smiled, but now it was as if your face forgot how to do it. You just stared at the white sheets, not knowing what to do. Maybe you shouldn't have told him. You being happy wasn't fair for your comrades.
-I know what you're thinking. You're feeling guilty that you were the only survivor. But let me ask you, do you think that they would've liked you to die alongside them? Don't you think that they would've liked you to be happy? Wouldn't you want the same thing for them?
He was right and you knew that. They were really good friends, you were a family. You only wished the best for one another. But it still pained you, you couldn't believe that you were not going to see their smiling faces every day, that you weren't going to hear their laughter each time one of you did something stupid. It felt...lonely.
-Does it get easier?
-Losing friends? No, the pain is always the same, but you learn to deal with it. As long as you don't forget them, their existence will never fade. Your love for them is the proof that they existed. You have to move on, but make sure that you'll never forget what they meant to you.
You finally looked into his eyes and saw how much he cared for you. Maybe you didn't deserve it, but you were going to appreciate what you were given, before it was taken away from you again. You were never going to take something for granted again. You learnt how precious and fragile life is. It was a harsh lesson, but you were going to remember it for the rest of your life.
He put his hands on your face, brushing your eyelids with his thumbs. He was so close. Closer and closer until that little space between your lips was just a distant memory. He put everything in that kiss, with no words he told you how worried he was, how scared he was at the thought that he might lose you and how sad he was that you were suffering. You tried to do the same, you tried to show him how much you loved him and how much he meant to you. You two stood there, kissing in the dark until none of you could breathe anymore.
-Thank you for saving me.
-No, don't thank me yet. Thank me when you'll really believe it. Thank me in that moment of your life when you'll be really grateful that you're alive.
He took you into his arms and placed your head on his chest.
-Now go to sleep. You need no take your energy back. I can't even make fun of you if you're like this, he said winking.
That sounded so much like the Shinya you knew. You closed your eyes and for the first time in a while, allowed yourself to embrace that little light  known as hope.