Not Quite Gone
I loved him. I still do.
Yet he’d hurt me so bad, I couldn’t be fixed. Literally. I am but now a broken wanderer of the Earth. I cannot come in the contact with the people who mourn me. At times I detest him. He made me like this. He made let my let my walls down and took my heart as his. I lost my virginity with him. I was 16 when it happened and I remember the night. He’d told me we were to be married and I’d believed him. Such a rash child I’d been then. Because of his stupid tantalizing voice, I’d lost myself to him that night. I could never take it back. I probably wouldn’t erase my time with him, given the massive opportunity.
I wanted love so badly back then. I wanted it from anyone goo-looking. That’s why I believe Drew took over me easily enough. I was a willing subject to his every command. Now that I do look back, we didn’t have love. He abused me. He hurt me mentally and physically. Nobody knew. They still don’t and they ain’t never gonna know.
If they did, I know that monster that was once always in my hands will find a way to be free.
A part of me chooses to believe that a part of him loved me. In his eyes, I saw the Devil he worked for. I saw the fact that he was simply malicious yet I chose not to believe what I had warned myself of. I wish the little to no love we had was like a Sarah Dessen book. I could have been his truly and him, mine. Nonetheless, his job was to love me and get what he needed from me. Men like Drew, weren’t meant to be eternal lovers. I don’t believe they were even meant to walk the Earth.
I hate remembering. Remembering means thinking of the moments I will never have. The ones I had. I always wanted children but I will never have a beautiful bouncing baby boy or girl. I hate remembering my friends who tried to save me. Because even in my new form, that he caused me to be in, I still feel pain whenever I remember anything.
Most of all, I hated remembering how Drew killed me.
-Summer of 1980, Texas County-
“Drew?” Raila called out to her first and only love.
“Yes baby?” Drew opened his eyes as their lips separated.
“What’s our wedding gone look like?” Raila asked.
“Well, that’s all up to you. I ain’t the woman darling. You are. Whatever you want I will pay for, no matter the cost. You hear?”
“I do baby, I do. I love you so.”
“I love you too.”
For those moments, Drew wished he wouldn’t have to terminate Raila’s young and beautiful life. But soon his destructive mind conceived more thoughts on the pleasure of creating vast chaos so easily. Drew stared into her eyes so intently. Raila felt the vibe shake her but she acted as if nothing had suddenly overcome her.
He knew he had no choice in the manner of eliminating her. His Master needed what Raila had. He had asked for fortune in return for being a slave to Lucifer’s chief commander, Caldo. He caressed her pink cheeks. She hardly blushed. She let no one toy with her. But the moment Drew had walked through the doors and all that had gone through the drain. She became his personal toy. He even gave her a diamond to seal their love he would soon cut off.
As for Raila she was deep in her trance of Drew. She cut off everyone to keep Drew happy. He was overly possessive as he was mesmerizing in looks. Each day, Raila thanked the Lord for her beautiful Drew. Little did she know that he wasn’t God sent. But rather by God’s lesser adversary, Lucifer. Yet her need for him wasn’t healthy. It became her daily want to be beside him. Nothing else mattered. She always thought to herself. What we got is love. If they don’t understand, they will. Once I invite to my big old grand slam wedding.
