My One and Only, Dear Diary

April.21/13

Dear Diary,

Who am I? Sure, I know my name, my age, where I live and where I go to school; but, that isn't who I am. Is it? Am I only a face with a name? What do others see when they look at me?

I'm in grade 10 now and I don't know if I have any friends. Sure, people will sat that we are; but, none of those people know how I feel. If they did, I am sure that they would never look at me the same again.

To be honest, I feel lonely. I'm constantly tired and sad, I put on a smile so that everyone thinks I'm okay. On the inside though, I'm crumbling. When I don't put up that fake smile, people assume something's happened. They don't know that I feel this way all the time.

I'm fat, my legs are to big, my boobs are to small and I eat to much. Does no one else see this? Do they not see how I strugle with everything? All I want is to be accepted, normal and loved. I k ow that there are people who have it so much harddr than me; but, for once I want to be able to laugh out loud without everyone thinking I sound stupid or laughing at me. I want to be able to cry out loud, instead of at night when everyone is asleep. I want to be smart and make my parents proud of me. I want to be the big sister my little siblings can look up to and the mature sister that my older brother will accept.

Is all of this too much to ask? Why is life so difficult?

Kathryn <3