All I have ever wanted is to stop hurting. I smile so much, but I always find my self looking back on the day and realising that I wasn't happy at all. Most of the time the world seems gray,pointless...and I seem to feel nothing. Other times the world is in a bright radiating colorful black and it all comes crashing down, at that point I realize I can barely breathe. Warm tears stream down my face like they were meant to be there always. It feels like ants are crawling in my brain and under my skin and yell at me all the things wrong with my life I feel trapped this entire time. However within 20min I feel like I am watching a movie and I can no longer stop anything from happening. I don't want to feel this pain any longer. I know it seems like I am exaggerating, but I am not. And me saying a colorful black makes no sense until you feel what it is, it is unexplainable feelli, I can try. Yet it probably won't work because this feeling is so extreme, intense, insane out of this world feeling anyone could ever get, and this I just a small glimpse into how to feels.
I could never get over this feeling perhaps, but I can try.
