Chasing The Rebellious Girl

Chapter 1: Not your saving grace

Song RECCOMENDATIONS:

Carmen by Lana Del Rey
Often by The Weeknd

Bright lights. So many doctors. Just me. All alone. In the deepest, and darkest depths of hell; known as my mind. I can't breathe, I am drowning from too much oxygen. I am dying because of my savior. Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy... Or is this just all a dream...

I wake up screaming, with sweat mixed with tears running down my face. I had the dream again. More like a nightmare. But it just seems so real...

I bring my knees up to my chest and start rocking back and forth in my cold, hard, metal bed; I start to cry. I realize that I am never leaving this place; and that I could never have a normal life. Like it was even normal to begin with.

This is how it happened:

This all started about 4 years ago...

"Carmen! Get your butt down here now!" Mom yelled from the kitchen. I got up from my bed and pulled my red sweatshirt over my head. "Coming mom!" I said, while rolling my eyes and plummeting down the stairs. Dinner was ready. I guess I had to eat. I slammed into a chair, and rolled up the sleeves to my sweatshirt. I gazed along my arms and gasped. The roads were slightly noticeable. I quickly jammed my sleeves down my arms. I absolutely couldn't have anyone knowing that I was cutting. Not.One.Person. I earned a cold stare from my 13 year old brother, Josh. So, being the rebel I am, I contemplated giving him the finger, but instead stuck out my tongue at him. Wow, such a rebellious child I am.

Mom set the dishes on the table and took her seat at the head of the table, across from Dad. We said grace, and then Dad decided to start the conversation. "So, Carm, how was school?" Dad asked lifting a fork of green beans to his mouth. I contemplated my answer. I didn't want to reply to the question. Yes, once again, I had sassed one of my teachers yet again. Luckily, it was Mr. Brown, the teacher who hated me most out of anyone in the entire tenth grade.

"Um, it was okay, I guess." I suggested. Josh rolled his eyes and I kicked his shin under the table, and he "cowered" in pain. "Enough!" Mom said and looked at me harshly. I gave Josh the death glare. I lost my appetite and was getting bored. Luckily, dinner was over. I asked Mom if I could be excused and she agreed. I made my way to the stairs; unfortunately Josh did too. He made it in time to grab my arm as I made it to step number two, he yanked my sleeve up and gawked. He backed up, and yelled "Carmen is cutting!! Mom, Dad, Carmen is cutting herself!!!!!" My parents came running in the room. "What? What happened? What's wrong?" Dad questioned. I gave Josh yet another death stare. I eye-warned him not to breathe a word of what he just saw. But he did anyways. Josh stepped forward and yanked up my sleeve without giving me a second to get away from his awry grip. I pulled my sleeve back down and Mom came in and gawked at me. Oh great, she saw the cuts. And dad did too. Dad grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the kitchen. "Ass" I muttered under my breath, looking back at a smirking Josh, obviously proud of himself. Mom got the signal Dad had given and followed us.

"Carmen, what do you call these?" Mom asked motioning to my now exposed forearms. She gasped when Dad pulled up both sleeves, exposing the roads that led up to my elbows on both arms. "Why, Carmen? Why would you cut yourself? Give me a couple of reasons why you would do something as stupid as this" Dad said, letting go of his grip on my almost purple wrist. I thought for a second. Why would I really do this? What would I get out of this? I knew. I felt like a better person with my roads across my arms for all to see. I felt independent and free. "I don't know. I guess I just feel better. I don't know." I said, earning a eye roll from Dad. "How long have you done this, Carmen, how long has this been going on?" Both of them said, almost in unison. Now I really had to think. How long has it been? One year? Two? I had NO clue. "One or two years I think? Why? It's not like I slit my throat or anything" I said, pecking at my nails. That earned a gasp from my mother. "Carmen! How could you be so naive? This will turn into an addiction! Are you psycho?" I chuckled. "You really are crazy" Dad said, shaking his head in dismay. And that was it. They had struck deep into my insanity. The had nipped the exploding iceberg. My patience was hitting the line. This time, they had gone overboard. "What the hell is wrong with you? You don't call your daughter crazy!" I yelled at them, fists clenched. "Maybe I am crazy! I mean you'll just send me to an asylum anyways, besides, that's what everyone wants, right? To get rid of me. Well you know what? I hate you both and I never, ever want to hear or speak to either of you again!!!" I barked at them, tears streaming down my face. I stormed up to my room and slammed the door; and sank down to the bed.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

I woke up, the next morning, with a note on my dresser. I wearily approached the dresser and opened the note. I read it over and gawked. I couldn't believe my eyes, so I crumpled up the letter and threw it across the room, and slid down my dresser, tears flowing full-stream. I wanted to die. I wanted to shrivel up and die in the deepest, darkest, depths of hell. Oh wait... I am already there...

(A/N) Thanks to ALL OF MY LOVELIES!!! I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I promise to update soon!!!!!!!! Btw, her nickname is Carm, Carmen, or Cammy. Only her dad calls her Cammy.

PLEASE COMMENT, SHARE, AND VOTE!!!!!!! Thanks!!!! COMMENT A LIKE AND DISLIKE AND/OR A RECCOMENDATION FOR A FOLLOW!!!!!!

caroline_melange