The Monster Apocalypse

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER TWO

Ash's Film teacher pressed his face against the bars and tried to see over all the nineteenth century hats.

"Who said that?" he asked.

"Mr. Barker! It's me! Ash!"

"What?"

"I've come to save you—"

The boos started erupting from one person, two persons, twenty persons. Everybody had expected a man covered in hair, and the only noticeable hairs on Mr. Barker's body that weren't on top of his head were in the form of scruff on his chin.

"Ash!" Mr. Barker shouted. "You have to get me out of here!"

A tomato smashed against the teacher's face, and he fell back inside the cell. More tomatoes hit the bars, and then a few wedges of cabbages started flailing through the air.

"Really?" Ash said to everyone around him. "I thought the food throwing thing only happened in movies."

The dwarf took center stage as the curtain swung closed, and he tried to calm everyone down, waving not one candy cane, but two. "I'm very sorry! We're having momentary difficulties! Please don't fret! This hairy, scary wonder of the world will be with you in just a moment!"

The little person kept talking, trying to control the room, as Ash pushed past the angered patrons and scooted up to the curtain. He couldn't see the prison cell, or Mr. Barker anymore, but he scooted down to his knees, and turned his head around to make sure nobody was paying attention to him. He pushed himself along the dirt ground and pulled the left edge of the curtain over his head.

Ash looked up and over at his teacher. He was curled up into a ball in the back corner of the cell.

"Psst! Mr. Barker!"

He brought his arms down and, for the first time, probably since being locked in the cell, smiled. "Ash! Is it really you? I thought it was my imagination."

He started crawling toward him, with difficulty; he was obviously hurt in some way.

Most awkward of all, Mr. Barker was only wearing white underwear.

"Why are you in your tighty whities?" Ash asked.

"Long story," he said.

"Really? Well this might be an even longer story, but could you tell me what the hell a time portal is doing in your office?"

"Can we talk about this later? You've got to get me out of here."

"What is happening, Mr. Barker? First vampires, then zombies. Now I'm rubbing shoulders with Jack the Ripper and finding my own film teacher in an 1800's freak show carnival!"

Ash's teacher looked like he wanted to reveal all his secrets—but instead he gripped his hand on the door lock and pointed to his left.

"Ash, I'll write you a non-fiction tell-all about everything and dedicate the goddamn book to you, if you will just go find that munchkin and steal the keys from him. They're in his back pocket!"

"The key to this door?"

"No, the key to the Ritz Carlton. Yes, the key to this door!"

"OK," Ash said, scooting back. "I'll save you, Mr. Barker. You just stay right here."

"OK," he said. "I'll do that."

Ash moved his head back under the curtain and looked up to see most of the visitors dispersing, except for one five-year-old girl, wearing a pretty pink dress, her hair in pigtails. She stared at him perplexed.