I Grew Up & I Forgot To Forget

Apple Eater

Apple Eater

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My mirror oh My mirror.
Who the most heinous lady in the whole country?

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You, oh Apple Etear
You... bad Bookworm.
You...

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I didn't wake up. I've extruded in vigilance.
The mirror in fornt of me and the horror in my pores.
Who am I?

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The dream has ejects me, Although it was not beautiful dream, but I prefer to move in it rather than to confront the place. To glance I wondered? What is this place? Where am I? Then I realized, I mean I remembered : it's the place is where I hide. I'm in a hotel. I fled. The time didn't exceed 3:30 am. What I will do and I awake? Folded my knees and hugged it to my stomach, I hugged me. I am a ball on an woman-shapped, close to the ball and away from the woman. Such as " ta'a " strapped in her wrists.

P.S (" ta'a " strapped : is arabic letter " ة " normal ta'a " ت " )
( Likening how she sitting I guess)

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I covered my head under the duvet and I closed my eyes : Fatima, go to sleep. Tomorrow we are arrange your thoughts. Tomorrow you will iron your shirt and you will comb your hair and arrange your thoughts. This is the plan, All you have to do now is sleep. The night is not in your side, Fatima, you know that and with that you awake in this bad look.

P.S. (Fatima it's arabic name " wean a child from his/her mother's milk"
The meaning of names is a part of this novel...

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I wind on my some, such as snail knows what it is doing, let's sleep, let's sleep..I sing to me like I am my mother, like I am my daughter, like I am the only person remaining to me, because I am the only person remaining to me, my limbs convulsed, my body uprising, my truth heavy descend to me such eternal horror that haunt the soul in fornt of lighness question. I actually fled. You feld, Fatima.

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My face in the mirror make fun of me : cheer Oh Archimedes for your genius discovery. Awake the world! I say go to sleep Fatima, quickly sleep, before it wake up, the sternal idea parties, before you see its Immediately and its Harlotry and its suzerainty at you,  go to sleep before the idea sucks you and drinks your juice and ejects you dry and powerless.

I can't not think. I must turn off this crazy machine , which they call it the brain. I jump out of bed my fingers tremble when it opens my bags, my fingers like me, (scrawny, skinny) and sweaty and (wounded, hurting). Open the bags one after other (one by one), I grub its interior I throw things away and I continue diggingand grabbing and snaping.
I tucking my fingers deep, Deep in pockets and holes and angles bags,
I dive researcher for my salvation, about the dreaded box who extraction me from the truth. Alprazolam, the magic hypnotic, tamer of epilepsy and anixty and depression. My best friend and my worst enemies and who proceed with project to destroy me, with a personal blessing from me.

""She used hard words that have many meanings""

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Where are you, O Devil?
Come on, babe, come on little before I rushing out and hand over me for first policeman or vendor wipes I see in the street.
I found the box under the cotton pajamas.  Open it by trembling fingers,  I gulp the pill and I assure the crazy organism inside me that things are under control: calm down,  Fatima, you have taken medication.

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I am lying on the bed, the bed is hole and I falling, the hole without end. As a spilled blood, as a hungries, as a deid, as a lost poems, your present my God acceptable give it to me, give it to me,  O Giver of oysters and alradaa
Am I hallucinating? I shiver and im not in love or burningheart or inspired. Alprazolam playing in me. Vast dryness in my mouth, I am a broken well.

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I closed my eyes and I see faris looking for me in the many streets, prowling the sidewalks and tarning his head, looking for me behind trees and under gravel, I smile to him in my heart, I mutter to him by a heavy tongue it like a sand bag: sleep babe sleep.. Numbness creeping from my fingers,  it make me lacking from my limbs,  I eroded and wane leisurely.. I've become I can be wooden, to see faris in my heart's eye, i compassionate to him . By my poor throat and my scrawny voice, I sang to him, I sang to him to let him sleep.

"Faris=knight"