Silver Lining.

When You Can't Sleep at Night

  I couldn't stop thinking about how wrong of me it was to have been afraid of Kyo. It's all that was on my mind from the time I finished eating until after I took my bath. So I decided, finally, (and with great determination) to accept him for exactly who he was. I wasn't going to make him feel inadequate or singled out. I was going to truly and honestly be a friend to him. In honor of my new-found promise to myself and to Kyo, I found a piece of paper and a crayon and began scrawling down words.

"Kyo, are you out of the bath?" I heard Kazuma call from the kitchen moments later.

"Yeah, why?" Kyo responded. He was in the hallway, just behind the door.

I hurriedly folded the note I was writing and shoved it into the pocket of my (well, Kyo's) pajamas. I didn't bring any clothes or pajamas when I ran away - or much of anything, really - so I was quite lucky that Kyo wasn't too much bigger than I was. Anyway, I tried to sit as naturally as I could when Kyo walked in. I was really starting to second-guess the whole note thing.

"Hey. Uhm, I'm gonna sleep on the floor, and you're gonna sleep in the bed. Okay?" He asked.

He walked over to his small closet and pulled out a quilt that practically ate him alive when he held it, and began straigtening it out on the floor beside the bed.

"Mhm," I managed to respond.

I pushed the paper deeper into my pocket, deciding that I wasn't quite comfortable expressing my emotions towards people yet. I promised myself, though, that I would definitely give it to him by the end of the week. After all, I really wanted him to know that I really liked him, and that I wanted to be his friend forever and ever if I could.

But, sadly, today's forever was coming to a close. Kyo turned off his bedside lamp, Kazuma came and wished us both pleasant dreams, I snuggled in under the covers, and that was that. For the first time that I could remember, I felt truly comfortable. I felt happy and warm and fuzzy, and like I had all the freedom and time in the world to just be a kid and relax for once. No more Akito yelling at me, no more Akito paining the room black, no more Akito hitting me, no more Akito taking away the only friends I ever had, just...

No more Akito. I closed my eyes, a small smile gracing my lips.

"What do you mean no more Akito?"

I flinched. That voice...it was all too familiar.

"You aren't leaving me. We're connected, and that's that. Besides, these people don't really like you anyway! You're a burden to them - just look at you! You're using their things, eating their food, wearing their clothes! They probably already hate you by now, and they definitely regret letting you stay, that's for sure."

I turned around, unsure of where the voice was coming from, but I couldn't see anything. Everything was white, and there was a loud ringing in my ears that intensified by the second.

"But Kazuma seemed happy to let me eat and borrow Kyo's pajamas, and Kyo seemed happy playing with me earlier today..." I said.

"That's just it," Akito said, "They seemed happy. They weren't really happy. There's a huge difference, and that difference is why you should come back and be mine again."

His voice slithered through my ears like a snake, smooth and eloquent and infecting me with its venom. He always knew exactly how to intimidate me - exactly what words would send me crawling right back to him with tears in my eyes and apologies caught in my throat - and he knew it. He had me caught in his web, and he knew that I would never try to escape. Not really.

"But, even so..."

"NO!"

His voice ripped through the white expanse of nothingness with such force that I couldn't help but curl up into a tiny, defenseless ball.

"DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT YOUR FEELINGS MATTER TO THEM, OR TO ANYONE OTHER THAN ME AT ALL?! THEY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU LIKE OR DON'T LIKE, OR HOW ANYTHING MAKES YOU FEEL WHATSOEVER. YOU ARE IRRELEVENT TO THEM AND TO THE REST OF THE WORLD, AND THEY WOULDN'T EVEN CARE IF YOU JUST LEFT AND NEVER CAME BACK, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL RIP UP THAT STUPID PIECE OF PAPER IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW! HECK, I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!"

And before I could react, my arm began to move without my consent, reaching into my pocket and fishing out the note. I opened it up and skimmed through the chickenscratch of feelings and emotions that I had poured into the paper. The words became indeciferable blobs, though, as my eyes clouded over with tears.

"P-Please! Don't make-" hic "Don't make me--!"

But my fingers gripped the note and I, unable to do anything about it, could only watch as the scrap of paper was ripped into tiny shreds. All that was left in the end was a pile of ripped up bits at my feet.

"Isn't that better, now?"

His voice sounded mellow again, and I had no choice but to nod in agreement. But after I nodded, I could see black paint oozing down all around me, suffocating me slowly in a tight blanket of darkness. I could feel myself running out of air quickly as I tried to claw my way free, but it was no use. All I could hear over my rapid breathing and pounding heart beat where the words:

"Don't ever try to leave me again."

I woke up immediately after that, shooting up so quickly that I became dizzy. I was shaking and shivering, despite the seventy degree weather, and I couldn't stop. Unsure of what to do, I just looked down at Kyo, who was sleeping peacefully. I felt myself steadily calming down as I wiped the tears out of my eyes and, despite myself, slowly crawled out of bed and curled up beside him. He was warm and soft, and his breaths were slow and even. I felt nothing but security and warmth as I layed beside him and, eventually, fell into a peaceful and dreamless sleep.