Imperfection

Desire

The best weapon known to mankind is desire. Desire to be touched desire to be wanted and desired to be on top of the world. And I was no more than a victim of desire, My desire to be wanting by someone who will never want me back My desire a feeling empty inside and maybe I was a fool to his touch, I ran hand through my long blonde hair, Trying get thought of Lucas out of my head. I was use the feeling being undesired being second-best being overlooked, I was a rebel at heart and mind I wish to turn back the hand of time to moment he kiss me. I was begging for help for this addiction, I was begging for someone to tell me that I was worth. I became fine with the rain because the rain hide the tears that always seem to come whenever they're around each other yeah I was a broken record and I was a broken person with broken dreams of being happy. I can write a whole story about how my desire got me into a lot of trouble how my hopes were always crushed and how I was nothing more than the shadows to my best friend, The Dorky brunette with pretty chocolate Brown eyes. I never holdup a candle to her personality so innocent so pure she was an All-American girl that's the reason why Lucas love her I was just a placeholder until Riley was better because Riley insecurity play tricks on her and she wasn't ready to take him on and be the girl who need it. And I was a terrible friend because of my desired for Guy she was in love with a guy that would kill for her the guy that used me to get to her, and I was stupid I was blind to the fact that he was always in love with her, his face lit up when she was around the way he can never stop smiling at her the way he thought so highly of her. I Was drained I had battle scare the size of Texas, I was damaged I was chain to the thought of being the girl he wanted but i can never be her, and the first love always seem to cut deepest. I looked over to the mirror on the other side of my room and image that it showed made me think back farkle and the picture he took of me as I got off my bed and stripped out of my clothes Until I had nothing on. My long blonde hair was covering my bare breasts as I run my fingers across my lips right before I bite my finger. I was the definition of imperfection my blonde hair was frizzy as it curly up ends, my blue eye lost all the shine and all that was left
dull memory of  something that was once perfect, my skin was pale like I never left the house and there was no sun hitting my skin Turn Around and looked at my flat backside wishing I had a little bit of something to hold onto I was as skinny as a stick I was a beautiful imperfection I was a black rose Beautiful yet undesired and I wanted so much to drain the poison out of me and turn into something beautiful. I wasn't pure like the white rose. I was everything undesired but I also was beautiful which made no sense to me why no one can love me and I was always left alone in the house where no one cared while she had everyone she had everyone watching out for her better being and they loved her, they nurturing her but I was stunted flower with no water no sun no nothing and expected to grow into something beautiful. Why did no one ever care about my insecurities why did no one noticed the signs of me breaking down. why did he have to come in and rock my world with one kiss with his softly lips, why make love to me so passionately and then choose her over me? Sometimes I wish I can love someone who loves me back, And not someone who's going to run over me trample over me make me into something I'm not and make me feel insecure, I'm never going to be better and make me feel like I'm invisible but maybe I was maybe I was fool myself to think that I was worth it and someone touching me loving me holding me tight and telling me all the darkest secrets. the thoughts in my head running rampant, maybe I was just invisible only seen when it was convenient to someone. I cried my eyes out just sitting there on the floor with nothing on I ran my hand down my legs over and over until I finally grab the scissors and slit my wrist then watch the blood spill from my arm as I laid on the ground, and cried some more. Broken dream is like a broken record and in my head right now he was one of my broken dreams.