Klaus, You Know You Like Chocolate Milk

Because We All Need Chocolate Milk

"If you don't stop acting like a two year old, I will fling you off of this buggy, and go home without you."

"You would never leave me, Klaus. After all, any number of things could happen to a cute little thing like me if you're not there to protect me~" I chirped as I continued to ride on the front of the shopping cart Klaus pushed towards the produce section.

The modelesque blonde rolled his eyes before they glittered mischievously at an apparent opportunity. Oh, no. He is NOT- Before I could even finish doubting his evil intentions, he shoved the cart and allowed me to roll away blindly.

"KLAUS!" I yelled at his snickering figure, forced to hop off my free ride to ensure I didn't run over an innocent old lady. I huffed and waited for him to stroll over to me so I could smack him. Repeatedly.   

"Haha, feisty little thing today, aren't you?"

"I have to be to put up with you!" But my playful tantrum didn't phase him in the slightest as he suddenly became very interested in the collard greens before us.

"Didn't you say you were gonna make me an old, southern style dinner with these?"

"Yep. I'm also gonna need a ham, black eyed peas, and box corn bread. Oh, and then I need stuff for homemade mac'n cheese...."

"Good, God, Catrina. There's only two of us. Were you planning to feed an army?"

"Oh, hush and push the buggy." I chided as I picked out fresh peaches and strawberries.

He tugged on one of my fishtail braids and whispered in my ear icily, "You're lucky we're in public."

"Says the man who tried to kill me via head-on collision with vegetables."

"You know I love you~" His tone made a 180 as he suddenly nuzzled my cheek affectionately.

"Mmmhmmmm." My inner sassy black-lady came out as I strode away from him to the next section. Our mundane trips to the store were always like this: a bit childish, mildly flirty and rather fun. You'd never have guessed the intimidating, all imposing "Emperor" Klaus could be any of those things, but as it turns out he's really just a big teddy bear once he's away from the school. It also helps that after two years I've grown immune to his quips and taunts, much to his vague annoyance. 

Once our list was two-thirds complete, I began to space out and take my time looking over things thoughtfully. Like the new line of dishware that was absolutely precious with its red, yellow and orange flowers plastered all over it. And then- 

"Look, Klaus, it's you!" He paused from picking out meat to glance at the picture of Gordon Ramsay I pointed at. 

His face could not be more done. "I swear to God if you say it's because we're both blonde and-"

"Overbearing assholes? Yep, that would be the reason." He rolled his eyes and pushed the buggy hastily. "Yep. Leaving you." 

"Wait, Klaus!" I power walked as fast as my stubby little legs could carry me so as not to draw too much attention. Damn him and those long legs! Those long, marvelous legs!

"Klaus, why you gotta walk so fast?"

"To keep you in shape. You've been eating a lot of sweets recently."

"I have not!" Wait, that reminds me! Without a moment's notice, I turned on my heal and headed back to the dairy section. I can't  believe  I forgot the main thing I came here for- chocolate milk! It didn't occur to me to tell Klaus I'd be right back- I just did it on impulse. Besides, I'd be gone and back before he even noticed- he found the wine aisle and always took ample time picking out the best one to suit his current mood.

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"Hmm, a white wine such as a German Riesling would certainly pair well with the ham, but a red wine like Cabernet Sauvignon would go best with the steaks I picked out. Then again, I picked out some salmon, so the white wine could also go with that. But I've also been craving some apple wine.... What do you think, Catrina? Catrina?" I suddenly glanced around me only to notice my significantly shorter other half had gone missing.

  Oh, my God, where's my precious cinnamon roll.

I quickly set down the bottles of wine I was contemplating and tried my best to retain my composure. She probably just got distracted by some pretty trinket. She always does that. But she also knows how much I value her opinion on the wine. I mean, she's not old enough to drink, but I occasionally let her get away with a glass so as to refine her taste and- wait, that's not the point right now WHERE IS MY SWEET MUFFIN TOP.

I hated to come off as that "overly possessive boyfriend", especially since I know I can trust Catrina, but goddamn if it didn't make me nervous not to at least have her in my sight. The grocery store wasn't exactly packed, but it wasn't exactly empty either. It didn't help that she was a five-foot tater-tot and could be easily overlooked. No matter which way I looked, she didn't seem to be anywhere. I gave up waiting on her to come to me and set out to find her. 

Thankfully for my nerves, it didn't take long. Three aisles down, I caught sight of my precious cinnamon roll contemplating which salad dressing to get. Who does she think she is acting all cute and innocent after giving me a heart-attack? This will not go unpunished....

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With the chocolate milk in one hand, I used my free one to read the fat content in various dressings, trying to make the healthiest decision when- 

"Ah!" I gasped as Klaus hunched over me, sliding his hands into my jean pockets and giving my ass a tight squeeze. 

"Leave my side unexpectedly again and there will be no mercy."

"Klaus, we are in public!" I whispered venomously. My heart was racing with adrenaline. For God's sake, I was .2 seconds away from breaking his sternum if I didn't recognize his cologne. I don't think he ever took me seriously when I said I had an intense fight instinct.  

His deep voice vibrated in my ear with a slight chuckle. "Actually, I don't think I'll give you any mercy tonight anyways."

"You didn't hear a damn word I just said, did you?"

"C'mon, little mouse. We've got enough food to last the winter." With that, Klaus gracefully slid the Thousand Island dressing out of my hand and onto the shelf. He threw the chocolate milk in the cart and yanked me along to the check out. 

I put the breaks on and threw my weight back in protest. "But my dressiiiiiing...." I whined. 

"You already got chocolate milk- a gallon size at that."

"You drink half of it when I'm not looking!"

"Nonsense, I'm not a child like you."

"Oh, says the one who drinks diabetes for tea."

"Excuse me?" 

We continued to bicker like this all the way home. People around us may have thought we were an unfortunate couple, doomed to never be happy, but that was anything but. We've mastered bickering into an artful, romantic language only we knew. And that made us happier than anything. Even chocolate milk.

"Still gonna punish you when we get back."

"Oh, my God, Klaus, there's a two year old staring at us."