She Couldn't Be Saved

She dashed out of the house, the wind whipped and bit at her skin, but she ignored the cold pinch. The small flakes swirled around her in white flurries. The snow piled on the ground was up to her lower calf, but she trudged on. She wanted to get as far away as possible.  Everyone was being irrational and she couldn’t take it anymore. It’s not like the funeral wasn’t enough.

She looked down at herself. The black of her dress stood out in the surrounding white blanket that laid over everything. Her strawberry blond titan curls hung around her face, clinging to where her tears were still streaming. She sank to her knees. The cold instantly froze her legs.

She thought about the accident. The funeral. Everything that’s happened.

He was driving. Her dad. She was upset with him because he’d just told her that her mother and he would be getting a divorce. He said it was initially his idea, but both had been thinking about it for a while now. She pouted in the front seat. The two of them seemed completely fine! They were as happy and joyous as ever! Guess it was all an act. 

Her dad looked at her with the hazel eyes he and her shared, and in that split second--time stopped.  It happened in slow motion, even if it was only a second or two. Their car was hit. They were t-boned on the driver side because her dad didn’t know to stop. The doctors say he was killed on impact. She wasn’t even harmed much--nor was anyone in the other car. She was in too much shock. She couldn’t believe it. Her dad looked at her, and it cost him his life.

The next week went by in a blur, up until the funeral. She cried and cried--unable to stop herself. Her grandparents and her mom cried just as much as her. Her mom still cared for him, of course. He probably still would’ve felt for her too, if it was reversed. The burying of her father was again, a blur. All until they got to the house.

Her grandparents and mom yelled. They screamed louder than ever. They told her it was all her fault. Her mom said she regretted having her, because she was the reason for the divorce and the wreck. That’s when she got out of there. 

Nobody cared about her anymore. She was just a kid. It wasn’t like she did anything on purpose. She loved him just as much as those three, but that didn’t seem to cross their minds at any point.

She picked at the snow around her. She missed her dad. She hadn’t told him she loved him enough. She treated him poorly, and now he’s gone. There were so many things he’d taught her; done for her--helped with homework, taught her to walk, talk, ride a bike, read; he baked for her, he fed her--but she hadn’t said thank you. She hadn’t realized how fast a life was ripped away.

She hadn’t realized the sorrow, the emptiness, she’d feel.

Why her?!

She looked at the sky. She let the snow hit her and her thoughts take her away. She saw her dad, smiling, laughing. She remembered the day she was thinking of in clear details.

It was five or six years ago. She had told him she had a bad day at school and he’d laughed at her--laughed at her!--for a good five minutes.

“It’s okay,” He hugged her. “You’ve still got what matters. Your family. Plus, one day won’t kill you, will it?”

He bought her ice cream.

“Megs?” A familiar voice pulled her to the present. “Are you okay? Do you need help?”

She sat up to see her friend John. He was the only person to ever call her Megs. Suddenly he was right in front of her, pulling her up.

“I’m fine, thank you,” She got the snow off her dress and smacked a good-enough-looking smile on her face.

“You just lost your biggest idol, there is no way you are fine,” John looked at her dead in the eye. “That and with your depression being at its peak this past week...”

She rolled her eyes. She knew. She knew her depression was getting out of hand, she knew she wasn’t fine, she knew she lost her biggest idol because she messed up, she knew she’d never get him back, and she knew it was her fault. Nothing could change that. Nothing could change any of it.

She took a deep breath and smiled. She told him she’d meet him inside. John was very hesitant.

“I love you, you know that?” He told her. He didn’t want to leave her alone, but finally he gave in and went to her house, closing the door softly behind him.

Her legs were suddenly moving. She wasn’t quite sure what she was doing, but she was doing it. She couldn’t stop herself. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to stop herself. She stepped into the street as the car came.

It hit her and her body was crushed. The door of her house whipped open and her mom and John exited. John screamed her name, but she was already gone. It was too late for her. Just a week ago as the ambulance were arriving, it had been too late for her dad. Now it was her turn. John ran to call 911. The car never stopped. They probably didn’t realize what had happened, though it is hard to miss a girl you just hit.

Her mom had a simple, sick smirk on her face. She did not care for her child. She cried not a single tear for her only daughter--her only kid. She sat back and watched the commotion as if she was a normal bystander.

Even if John had stayed with her, as soon as she saw that car she would have gone for it. Nobody could have done anything to stop her. She couldn’t have been saved.