Broken (A supernatural Suicide Imagine)

Untitled Part 2

You had had it at this point. You were done with trying to be better, trying to be good, trying at all. Your screw up on tonight's hunt almost got Sam, Dean, and Cas killed, when you decided to go in that nest alone and disobey what they had told you. They're heads almost got ripped off because of it... Because of you.

Even though they said it wasn't your fault you knew it was. And it wasn't the first time either, you had done it before with a shapeshifter, several demon cases, and a werewolf attack. As you were deep in thought you got pulled out at Dean's voice saying that himself, Castiel and Sam  were going out for a drink. "You wanna come?" He said as you didn't even take it into consideration you replied with " nah, I'm kind of tired I think I'll hit the sack." And with that they wished you a good night and went out of the dingy motel room and as you heard the impala's engine rev to life and drive away you immediately knew what you would do next.

As you thought of everything you had put them through and all the times your screw ups could have cost them their lives you knew then that if you were gone they would be much better off. As you went to get paper and a pen to write a goodbye letter explaining why you're doing this and it read " Dearest Sam, Dean, and Cas, I'm doing this for you guys so you can have a good life and not have to worry about me screwing anything up for you guys again. I've just put you in so much danger and I don't want me messing up to cost any of you your lives I love you too much. I know this will hurt you... Hell you might even shed a few tears but it will be better this way. I love you don't try to bring me back and don't make any deals promise me that, this is the best way. With love, Y/N.

As you set the note on the table in front of the door you went to the whiskey cabinet and got a bottle of Jack Daniels out you would rather not remember your death. As you finished your eighth glass you stumbled to the bathroom and got the razor from the medicine cabinet as you slumped down against the wall you pressed the razor to your skin harder then you ever had before, after all you were going for suicide right? You carved your wrist time and time again until it was a bloody, limp mess and then you repeated it on your other wrist watching as the blood trickled down in a tide of crimson red liquid. As you grabbed your thighs and started slicing them trying to lose as much blood as possible before the boys came home, as you carved at your flesh this way and that you wanted so badly to end the hurt, the pain, the regret. And when you were done you lastly did two deep gashes into your neck and waited until you were so weak, so limp, you couldn't move anything. Your eyelids felt like lead weights had been put on them and just as you were starting to drift out of conciseness you heard the familiar sound of the Winchesters car and the door to the motel room open followed by three male voices and laughter. "Shit" you thought to yourself you didn't want to see the pain on their faces when they saw you like this, as you heard one of the voices say "guys what is this?" It was clearly Sam. As the question was followed by silence you knew that they were reading it "WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?!" yelled Dean's voice, "Y/N, Y/N WHERE ARE YOU?" Cas was now also screaming your name at this point frantic fear outlining each of their words. "CHECK THE DAMN BATHROOM...NOW!" As you heard heavy footsteps approach followed by frantic pounding on the hollow wooden door. As you heard more hitting followed by the loud bang of the door giving in from them busting it down. However when they got there it was too late, "Y/N DON'T YOU LEAVE US, YOU HEAR ME! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE US!" Dean screamed and as you looked at him then to Cas and Sam you knew that at least now they were safe. Well they would never be safe with their lifestyle but you would no longer be able to heighten the chances of them dying any earlier than they needed to. You saw tears swell up in all of the boys eyes and you saw Cas kneel down beside you and put his tender, yet rough, calloused hands on your face and said "It's okay y/n, everything will be okay I swear. You'll always be our little girl." As his voice cracked and tears rolled down his cheeks. And then he said " It won't be much use but we might as well take her to a hospital." And as Sam picked up your limp body and carried you out to the car, his arms shaking with fear, you fell out of consciousness for the final time.