Connor
{edited}
I set up the camera and make sure I'm as perky as normal. Secretly, I've been doing this YouTube thing for a long time, I just didn't tell Troye. I dunno why, but I didn't.
"Hey guys, what's up? It's Connor!" My voice is smooth, good. Thank gosh, because I'm on the brink of losing it.
It's been a while since Troye and I's date, and he's been really busy. The release of his EP is coming up and he's gaining popularity. I'm kind of nervous. I don't want him to get too 'famous' for me, little old Connor. It's not like he has any reason to stay with me, because he could have any guy he wanted..
I realize I've been silent for a while, before continuing to talk. "So, today I'm gonna talk about something kind of personal, and I hope you guys aren't put off by it." I was going to talk about the depression I've been in. The words to 5SOS's song, 'Jet Black Heart', where Luke, I think, sings 'Now that I'm broken, and now that you know it..' pop into my head.
"Well, for a couple months now, I've been sadder than normal. I'm not exactly sure why, but I just feel like there's no hope for me. What's the worth of life if you aren't happy? Here recently, I met this boy and he's amazing. He's gorgeous, inside and out, very talented, sweet, kind, just... Perfect. But... My anxiety kicks in that he doesn't really like me. He's just stringing me along, maybe he's putting on a fake act, just to end it horribly. I'm paranoid, because I don't ever want him to leave me. But he can't really leave if he isn't mine." As the words come out of my mouth, I want to curl up into a ball and cry. Troye isn't mine. I'm not his. If he wanted to go out and find someone else, he can, and I'd have no right to be upset because he isn't mine.
My head starts to hurt, and the tears come. I shut my camera off and sit in front of it, still crying. "Con." I look up and see Troye standing in the door frame. He's smiling, slightly. Oh, no. He's heard a lot. He knows, he knows.
"If you want me to be yours, I will be." He smiles, fully, and my stomach fills with butterflies. Except the butterflies are breathing fire and their wings are made of razor blades. Troye ambles over to me, where he wraps his skinny little arms around me and hugs tightly. I want him to hold me until all my pieces are put back together, but I'm crying too hard to answer and Troye wants me to calm down.
I nod. Just continuously. I want him to be mine, and for me to be his.
After I stop crying, I put my equipment and Troye asks the question. The YouTuber question.
"How come you never told me you were Connor Franta, YouTube phenomenon?" He nudges my side as we lie in my bed, just staring at each other. I chuckle a little, before answering him honestly. "I'm not a phenomenon, and I didn't tell you because I didn't want to, like, come off as if I was bragging. You know?" Troye nods, before pulling me closer and snuggling his face into the crook of my neck.
We stay like this for a while. Troye starts to drift off to sleep, I don't know how because it's 3 in the afternoon. I realize he didn't say anything about everything else I said in my video. That I didn't end or edit or anything. It's Sunday, and I need to get it done, like now.
I slowly move Troye over so I can get up. He moves around a bit before settling back into a peaceful sleep. Once back in my filming position and area, I set up the camera and press record so that I can film an outro. The outro is basically an apology for the emotional video, and a promise for next week's video to be happier, then my normal outro.
Once I'm completely done filming, I arrange myself back in bed beside Troye, except I'm sitting up and editing while he snores softly beside me. I cut out the places that need it and continue on with the lighting and everything else. Editing so that it's perfection ranges from about an hour and a half to five hours. I'm halfway done editing it when Troye wakes up and looks confused. His hair is ruffled and messy, and he looks utterly adorable.
"Hey.." He whispers before sitting up and wrapping his arms around my torso. Troye leans his head against me and closes his eyes while I finish up editing.
After I'm completely done and happy with my work, I slide down and hold him.
I just want to love and hold him so hard, so he's never sad. He's innocent and I want to protect him from the world. I want to show him off and show him how amazing he is.
"Connor?" His voice is small. I look down at him and smile.
"Yes, sunshine?" Troye smiles and giggles a little.
"I lo.. I'm happy I'm yours,"
