2014

2014.

today was the day it happened. today was the day the oceans stopped crashing, the stars stopped incandescing and the world stopped spinning. 

today marked the beginning of the World Cup held in Brazil, and tonight marked the end of the era and the absolute end of this world.

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when i first saw Loki in this lifetime, his eyes startled me. so beautiful and brown, with greenish light-brown flecks whirling around the centre, oh and his lashes; so thick and so incredibly bold for a typical high school boy.

typical? i actually take all that back. what he did to me was far from normal. every glance at him puffed any sort of breath i had ever inhaled out of my lungs. unlike how love was supposed to taste; so sweet... this sweetness had the worst aftertaste i could ever have imagined.

every time i saw him, my heart skipped two beats. i hated it. he was too irresistible, but obviously he wasn't interested in me. he hated me, or at least that's how badly things ended for us without even starting a relationship or anything, really.

for a bad boy that loved hip-hop as much as possible, he was incredibly sensitive to anything remotely illegal. and perhaps it was my fault i got high not off my own supply. and how he found out embarrassed me the most.

oh Loki.

Loki with his voice so airy that it startled me.

Loki with the looks that could kill any girl with a smile.

the way he complimented girls, not me, but other girls, always made me green with envy.

i hated him. he obviously hated me, too. but no; the way i hated him was more of a sadness and anger blended in with a spark of passion so intoxicating that it numbed me to the bone. the way he hated me was more of disgust. more of a filth. but what had i ever done to him? he was too sensitive. too careless to see that i loved him as far as the moon could pull away from the Earth each year: about 2 inches.

the anger dwelled longer than it should've.

a good two years.

a colossal two years, in fact.

until it was the end, he wouldn't have seen it. how i was different than he had first thought, and i sorta guess he was different too. not ordinary. not human... not anymore, anyway.

but, if i was completely honest, the platonic union of souls actually connected us closer than he thought. i always felt it. i knew it. how whenever i saved or took a while to look at a good photo of him on my phone, examining all his features and details, he would upload it straight after. not only that, but how he listened to the exact same songs as me every single time he clicked on his phone screen to check the time and i snuck a quick glance. no, no, i know. hard to believe, but could it have been a wonderful consecutive coincidence? well, could it have? perhaps, but could a feeling also be coincidence? how he made my stomach rumble with sadness, out of not eating, with the bile gurgling and rising up to my throat, washing away a toxic aftertaste... my body, as well as my heart, head, and soul was begging me to deliver some food. the scars sunken deep underneath my sleeves always burnt and stung with itchy fabric draped over, trying to hide the evidence of feeling such disapproved worthlessness and self-hatred just because of him. i hid these factors all, i hid it all as much as i ever could, never wanting anyone to know anything about me i didn't choose to tell them. i didn't want him, or anyone else, to think i was insane in the slightest. i was, i admit, but i didn't want people to know that. but Loki told everyone regardless. still loving him with all my battle scars hidden, he took me for granted.