Elements

Chapter 1

I'm Gunnar, I'm a good lookin' red neck from Issiquah. I moved to Texas this summer and now I'm going to Blue Water High School. My parents moved me here because when I crashed in my last dirt bike tournament, I gave up my future dirt biking professionally.  I was in the Junior League Finals and I screwed it all up. So now I'm here with a fractured wrist and little to no pride. Hopefully I can grab a cutie and make her my girlfriend and climb up their totem pole. Whatever a totem pole is!  I'm not exactly what people call smart. I'm the blond in the blond joke, literally. I'm blond! 

I'm 14, 5 foot 11, and I'm 99% muscle. I get all the girls with my abs, tan, and blond hair. Not to mention my perfect white teeth! I was on the football, soccer, lacrosse, baseball, basketball, swim, water polo, track, and ultimate disk team last year and I plan on doing the same thing. i always have a cheerleader under my arm. I like blonds with big butts, big lips, and big hair. Go big or go home! That's what I always say. That's also what Tiny Timmy says. It's a metaphor because... wait. Am I using that right? Don't care! It's a metaphor because Tiny Timmy is actually like a foot long!

My last girlfriend was named Lizzy. She had the whitest teeth because she brushes her teeth after every meal! She has curly blond hair that I like best when it's in a pony tail with her big red bow. Our school colors were red and white, now they're blue and yellow. I don't think blue or yellow bows look good in girls hair but we'll just have to see! Lizzy was a size double D which met my needs perfectly! So did her big ol' butt. She would twerk for me when she or I was bored. And in her free time she would work at our local strip joint to earn money because she wants to go to vet school, eve though I know she's really bad with animals. She just knows that I love animals so she pretends to like what I like.

I love animals, in particular African ones. I love giraffes and flamingos especially. When I was younger I ate shrimp for a whole week because i wanted to turn completely pink. I ended up in the hospital with food poisoning but it was still pretty cool. When ever I was just chilling or like standing I would stand on one foot to be just like my flamingo buddies. And when I went through my giraffe phase I only wore white and brown and I would only eat peanut butter and stuff that was dyed purple so that my tongue would turn purple. It was really awesome until kids started calling me fat because eating all that candy and peanut butter and nothing like green or something made me gain a few pounds. That ended when I started playing sports.