The Dubrovzkan Half Breed

XI

I peered in at Sonja. Most of her body was wrapped in gauze and linen strips. A few vrachs were still milling about, replacing a few bandages and reorganizing some supplies. I stepped in and looked at my friend. Her chest and stomach barely moved with breath.

"I'm sorry, Sonja." I whispered. I couldn't help but feel the greatest form of sympathy for her. If only I could have helped. Not that it had been my fault that plane dropped a bomb on the quarters, but I still wished I could have prevented it in some way.

As I thought about the plane that dropped the bomb, I realized that I didn't feel hatred for them, nor the soldier I had killed. Or had I murdered him? No, it wasn't murder; murder involved hatred and mediation on the act. I had only done it out of self defense.

My throat hurt just thinking about that man. And his poor family! They would soon be receiving a letter from a man in a uniform, telling them their son, husband, father or brother had been killed in action. And it was because of me...

My brows set when I noticed after a few moments that Sonja's chest no longer had a rise-fall motion. 'If things couldn't get worse...' I thought, hoping I was wrong. I leaned over her face and heard no breathing. "Oh, God..." I murmured. At first I wanted to mind her burns, but if I did, I couldn't even begin to try and save her.

I crossed my hands on her chest and started making hard compressions. "I need some help over here!" I called, desperately trying to keep my head. Multiple vrachs flooded into the room and hastily worked at getting her back. I blew air into her lungs before trying compressions again, Inga started cleaning a few of her open wounds, and another vrach applied new strips of clean, white linen to the burns that had been cleaned.

A few minutes went by before Ivor came in. "Here, I'll take over, you take a rest, Rani." he said. He then started performing the same work I had been doing, breathing for her and pushing down on her sternum. I backed away, my head light from breathing for Sonja. I wobbled out of the room, then looked back at the breathlessly still vrach. Did we lose her? Herr Svetz told me to be prepared for this, but... But I wasn't ready.

Maiko looked up at me as I passed him, pulling his head from his hands. "Rani." he said. "How's Sonja? What's going on?" he asked, his voice sounding somewhat weary.

My jaw quivered. I promised not to tell him anything. But why? After all, Sonja was his friend. But then I thought about how I already felt about losing her. It would kill me if someone told me my dear friend was dying. I swallowed.

"I've got several vrachs working on her. One of her burns was emitting pus." I lied.

Maiko sighed and rest his head back in his hands. "Oh, God... I pray she survives." he muttered.

I patted his shoulder. "I'm sure she'll be fine." I said, taking in a deep breath before and after speaking.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "You sound winded; are you alright?" he asked suspiciously.

"Da, I just felt a little ill after seeing Sonja's wounds." I lied again. I hated lying, truly I did, but I couldn't think of anything else to tell him; it wouldn't be to his benefit if I told him what was really happening.

A vrach ran out of the room and stopped in front of Berno at the entrance of the tent. "Sir, we need your help, we can't get Sonja to breathe on her own." he said in a not-so-hushed tone. Svetz looked up worriedly at the room where Sonja lay and the two rushed back into the room, leaving a gust of wind on their trail.

Maiko's eyes widened and his face turned sheet white. "No..." he whispered. "Rani, you said... Why'd you lie?!" he thundered, instantly standing stiffly on rigid legs, staring down at me threateningly.

An instant defensiveness came over me. "I... I... Berno said not to tell you!"

"Why not?!"

"I don't know!" I yelped back. "I guess because you two are friends, but... Look, we don't know if we've really lost her or not yet. Maybe we can save her!"

He buried his face in his hands again and sank down onto the bench once more. "If she is to live, it will take a miracle." he murmured.

We waited in silence for what seemed like hours before Berno called me in again. I shakily stood up while Damien took my place, distracting Maiko from following me. I pulled the sheet away from the door and entered. "Is she okay?" I asked.

Berno closed his eyes and shook his head. "We're having a hard time getting her to breathe on her own for periods longer than a few minutes. She was breathing just a minute ago, but it looks like her respiratory system keeps having failures." he murmured so as to not let Maiko hear from outside.

He sighed heavily, sending a lead weight into my chest. 'God, no...' I thought. 'Does this mean...? She can't be gone. I've only just met her this morning, she can't die so soon!'

"So," he continued. "Because I asked you to take over her case, I'm going to leave it up to you what we do with her. Personally, I'd let her go. She's only suffering like this, with her burns, the loss of breathing and now a coma that may be the death of her; if she did survive, she would be in a lot of pain from the burns. But like I said, this is your call. We'll do what you say."

I didn't like the burden of holding someone's life in the balance. I was so new and so scared; surely I'd make a mistake. "But I'm only an amateur!" I reminded him. "If I make the wrong call..." Involuntarily, my voice caught and tears teased me that they would spill over.

He placed a firm hand on my arm. "It doesn't matter either way. You can keep trying or take my advice. Again, it's your choice."

I had to make a choice; I had to. But what if I choose wrong? My brows creased together in thought. If I let her go, Maiko would be heartbroken, and I'd be losing a fast friend. If I tried to save her, I could still end up losing her, but at last then I would feel like we gave it our all to revive her instead of giving up. Oh, but the thought of trying so hard only to have her die made the stress even worse. I took a breath and choose.