Am I falling for a person I can't have? She's so pretty and cool. But I'm with another. I can't fall for her! But she makes me feel different. Like a plethora of butterflies are having a party in my stomach. All my friends laugh at me because I blush whenever I see her or hear her name mentioned. Its really humiliating. I feel like I'm beating myself up emotionally over this. I SHOULD NOT feel like this! I'm all ready a shitty girlfriend, and crushing on another is making me and even worse girlfriend! I'm so confused! And my friends aren't helping! Not at all!
I can feel my heart explode! Its my fucking freshman year! Only one month into school! I really shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't be beating myself up over this. I'm giving myself a headache! But... UGH! She's so pretty! With her short hair, glasses, lip piercings. Her voice. I'm a horrible person. A very horrible person! I just can't get her out of my mind! And us being in Art Club and GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) together doesn't help either.
Every fucking song I listen to now makes me think of her. This is getting really insane! I can't fucking function. And to make matters worse, my friend said something along the lines of "I bet you'd do it for Estelle!" when the girl's friend was there!
Her name is Estelle. Such a beautiful name. She's 23 and she calls herself a 'super senior'. I know there is no way I can be with her. NO WAY! I don't even know if she's interested in girls. I already feel heartbroken. This hurts. It really does.
