apartment c - grayson dolan

chapter xviii.

You never realize what you've lost until you've lost it, and the value of that thing seems to increase when you realize you needed it more than you thought.

That's how I felt with Grayson.

It's been four days since he first called me. We didn't even have an actual conversation, all he said was that he landed back in New Jersey and that he loved me before hanging up. I didn't get the chance to say it back, he just immediately hung up.

I was alone in the apartment again, with the comforter over me and the Netflix on, as if I didn't go to that party with Pamela all those months ago. I was back to being my introverted self, since there's reason to hang out anyway. I counted down the hours as I did my homework, I was so desperate to see Grayson again.

My laptop buzzes, and I turned to read the screen. I see a notification that Grayson wants to call me, and I immediately answer it, sitting up and wiping my tears eyes.

The camera focuses and I see Grayson right there, his hair freshly cut. He looks tired, but doesn't hesitate to give me a beautiful smile.

"Hi," he whispers.

"Hi," I replied.

He chuckled, leaning his head back and running his fingers through his hair while closing his eyes.

"How have you been?" Grayson asked.

"I miss you," is all I can mutter. There was no need to lie and say I was fine when I wasn't. He could tell by my face that I wasn't okay and that I needed him and that I couldn't keep going like this.

"I love you, baby," Grayson sighed, "I love you so much, I will be back, I promise."

"I'm sorry for sounding so selfish and clingy, it's j-"

"I understand," Grayson smiled, "I understand completely, alright? But I swear, that I'll be back as soon as possible."

There's a comfortable silence between the two of us. We are just so content with practically being in each other's presence. I didn't want this moment to end.

"How's your family?" I asked.

"We're doing okay," Grayson said, "we're having problems, but we're doing okay."

I look down at my homework, shutting the binder shut before looking at Grayson again. He looks tense, as if he's holding back from saying something.

"Grayson, what's the matter?" I asked, resting my chin in my palm.

"I'm fine, darling," Grayson lied, giving me his fake smile.

"Gray, I'm serious, what's going on?" I urged, "You don't look okay at all."

Grayson sighed, rubbing his eyes. I knew he was tired, he looked so sick as well. Of course, I wasn't going to let my guard down because I needed to know what was making my baby upset.

"Baby," Grayson whimpered, "I can't do it, I can't tell you, I don't want you to be sad."

"I can handle it, just tell me," I pushed, "I'll be fine."

Grayson wiped his eye, and turned away from the screen. His face begins to turn red and I'm concerned as to why he's crying.

"Laurentine," he said, "I can't be with you anymore."

All the color in the room just suddenly seemed to disappear. It was just a dark room, and I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my own breathing and heartbeat.

I knew it, I was too much to handle, too much pressure. He couldn't take care of me, I was too clingy. I'm such a mess.

"Why?" I ask anyways, preparing for the worst.