S.E.X
Ready or not ... I decide
I'm scared, the things that I've fear but no one hears my facts it's always sex this and sex that..
Scared of feeling so close to someone that I become lost in them, that I can't find myself and other times I wanna be rubbed down from head to toes and I wanna feel that touch of someone else on my skin ..
But the other side of me lied . The other side of me is not ready to be in situations I can't say no too , to be so ready to take the D then Forget to wrap the D & end up in Delivery 9 months later..
Regrets cut and I'm not tryna bleed a river of shame to who I gave it too and why ..
Ready or not ..I decide
I'm nervous of what it feels like to have someone on top of you forcing in , im nervous of the pain it'll cause and even more the internal damage to my heart.
What if it's not what I expect ?
What if I hate it ?
What if I get to the very last moments and chicken out ?
What if it's not all I thought it was ?
Nervous that once I give it up , he'll be out there door ..
I must admit , I'm not ready for sex , because to me sex just isn't sex .. Sex is suppose to be a bond but no one is down with such , sex is suppose to show love ..
Instead we receive penetration so we can bury the pulled back scabs other left .
I talk a good game and spit it like I'm really down but in me I know what I'm saying sounds false , if I don't speak up now I may pay the cost , suffer a lost to my spirit .. I believe when we have sex we give a piece of our selves each time & not just anyone deserves that.
I escape the world to my fantasies and what I wanna do, how I like it And how it should done.
My poems are filled will vivid metaphors about sex , nothing I can tell you I've done.
.. But truly I'm not ready , truly i know that I couldn't handle that and truly ..I don't think I'll ever be
Ready or not ... I decide
But , right now ..if I gave it up it would be because I feel unloved , it would be because I want to feel good to suppress the pain I already do , it would be because of curiosity ... Not for anything right like .."love"
Guys tell me how much they would love to please me , how much they'd love to make me feel amazing ..
My body is a tube of opportunity to them , the way my figure shapes the minds into disillusioned proportions of the many things they'd do to me ..
Hormones get the best of me though , how can I control such urges when between my thighs I have waterfalls deeper than the Grand Canyon .
Funny right ?
Wrong ... It's chaos in the mind of a teenage girl
Every guy is tryna get hard as they act hard around you to demolish the nervous anticipation ... I wish we'd be more honest
It would open doors , instead everyone is shoving it under the bed letting it collect dust , rusted and untouched ..
Sex can wait , I'm not ready
Sex I think about , but never take actions on
Sex I can't help but to want when I'm feeling low
Sex.. I thought I was ready but all I was ready to do was open up about it.
And say it's not the right time .. Because I decide.
