Finding My Way(Preview)

Emma

Sex. It's all I can think about these days. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I am a horny teenaged boy! But I'm not a boy and I don't even have the excuse of being a teenager anymore. I wish I could get my mind off it. I like sex, don't get me wrong, I just don't like thinking about it all the time. And normally I don't, I barely think about it, except for the last couple of weeks it seems that's all that I do think about! All of the time!

Maybe because it's been a while since I have had any. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me, I'm not some sex-crazed woman, I have only been with one guy... ever.

You know the typical story. We were high school sweethearts. Inseparable. Friends forever. Our futures planned together. His name was Josh. I thought he was 'The One'. He may well have been, if we didn't change. I didn't change. He didn't change. Truth is, I'm not sure what went wrong. Josh and I just grew apart I guess. We were not happy anymore.

We met when we were both thirteen. He was in my history class. He sat in the seat behind me. The first day I saw Josh I was instantly taken by him. I thought he was cute. Then again, I was only thirteen; I thought most boys were cute. No, he was different. It was his eyes, stunning blue eyes –

"Hey Emma! How was your weekend?" And there he is. Adding fuel to my fire. One of the reasons, I think, I am so obsessed with thoughts of sex. No not Josh. It's Seth. The I.T. guy at work.

"Seth." I blush, looking up from my desk. I stare at his glorious physique. "Sorry," I mumble, "I was daydreaming." My eyes finally make my way to his.

"You do that a lot," he says. Do I? Oh no, am I that obvious? Surely not! He must have caught me staring at him more times than I am aware of. He smiles and it reaches his lovely brown eyes. Could I get any redder? "So, how was it?"

How was what? I'm so flustered it takes me a second to realise what he's talking about. On Friday he came into the kitchen at work when I was having a conversation with Sophie about Kat's hens' night. Apart from that conversation, he and I have barely said more than the occasional hello to one another, so that must be what he's referring to.

"Oh... it was a blast! Big night! Kat had a great time... I think. It's all a little blurry." I mumble that last bit.

"That good, huh?" He smiles. That smile. That one smile I keep seeing as I lie in bed at night, as I try to sleep. That smile. The one that randomly pops into my head, at the most inconvenient times. Like this morning when I was buying my train ticket. The guy over the counter gave me a huge grin and I wondered why, until I realised that I had a huge goofy grin plastered on my own face. I was thinking of Seth at the time, but the guy at the kiosk must have thought I was flirting with him, because he winked at me. Well, he was kind of cute... he had these dimples... beautiful pale blue eyes... maybe I will see him again... Oh, get your hormones in check! He wasn't the reason you were smiling in the first place! Seth was. Seth is still standing in front of me. He's looking at me, probably wondering why I have lost my inability to speak. I blush again. I'm even daydreaming about other guys in front of him. What is wrong with me?