Wouldn't Change A Thing (#GLGGONESHOT)

Secrets

Secrets 

It's been six whole months since I broke up with ray. 182 days since we spoke. 26 weeks since we last said I love you. But i'm not keeping track or anything.

I sigh, looking around my room feeling overwhelmed by memories. I miss him. But I shouldn't. I can't. Not after almost losing Tessa. Losing her would have been like losing the other half of me and it would have been my fault on top of that. I just can't bare to be with someone who can be softer than a teddy bear one minute and a killer the next. It's a risk I'm not willing to take again, not with my family and my baby.

I smile at the thought of my baby and find myself rubbing my swollen tummy. I found out I was pregnant about a month and a half after me and Ray stopped speaking. I was feeling really tired and I was peeing out Niagara Falls every time I went to the bathroom. Tessa knew right away what was going on. I guess you can say twin telepathy. She would tease me and say Rays sperm made a home in my uterus and would be visiting for nine months. I cringe at the thought of that horrible joke. The whole idea of being pregnant scared me and made me super uncomfortable. But even though deep down I somehow knew there could be a little baby inside of me, I denied it and kept hoping that it was something else.

My parents took it a little hard considering they knew what happened with Ray. They forced me and Tessa to come clean after she was stabbed. My dad ranted for about a week about how I gave my innocence away to someone who was cruel enough to kill and how he only expected something like this from Tessa. Which cause a whole other argument. But I didn't see Ray as a killer. Granted he's killed people but he was only protecting the people he loved, including me. Eventually my dad came to realize that, which is why Ray isn't in jail right now. My mom on the other hand understood why I stayed with Ray knowing what he's done to people. She comforted me and helped me come to terms with it. She understood that I loved him.

My parents suggested adoption or aborting the baby. But I already had my mind set when I told them. I had my mind set on keeping the baby and keeping it a secret, especially from one person specifically, Ray.

It sounds crazy that I would want to keep my baby from Ray, but I didn't intend on keeping it from him forever. I mean, it would be pretty hard to hide it when I get bigger and go out. Im fairly small right now at four and a half months and I was told because of my small frame I most likely wouldn't get too big. But there's the thing, most likely. I was also told there's also a chance i'll blow up like an air balloon. The kind words of Tessa.

I slump down on my bed and sigh. I lay there for a few moments then I hear the door of my room open to reveal Tessa.

"You can't hide in here forever, Blake" She explains.

Yes I can.

"Who said I was hiding?" I reply as I sit myself up in bed.

"Well, you haven't been going out much since you found out. I know you don't want Ray to find out but.." she stopped mid sentence.

"But what?" I cocked my head slightly confused at what she was trying to say.

She sighs deeply. This makes me uncomfortable. Tessa is always outspoken and blunt, her being serious is normally never a good thing because well, It's serious.

"I think you need to talk to Ray" She looks at me with a serious face. Something was wrong.

"Why? Whats going on?" I felt myself get a little angry but tried to stay calm because I knew she probably had a good reason for why she was telling me to talk to him.

"He's not himself Blake, he mopes around like a lost puppy and he snaps at the slightest things. Brian's worried that he's going to lose his shit because of the way he's acting. He's moodier than you. Plus it's not making it any better that everyone in the gang knows you're pregnant but him."

I guess she's right. Just, every time I think about talking to him and just spilling my feelings I get into this little debate with myself. I get scared that something bad is going to happen. Right now I have another life to think about. But, at the same time I feel horrible that I'm keeping the baby a secret from its father.

"Blake" Her voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"I don't know" I say simply

"Blake, he's destroying himself because he misses you, he wants you in his life. I know you're scared to get mixed up with the gang shit again but at the same time i know you still love him and you have to face the face that he's the father of your baby." She looked at me with hopeful eyes.

"Look, I know all this bu-"

"But nothing! I love you and your my sister but tell him or I will." She says cutting me off. I really don't feel right about this but i know Tessa will tell him and I that's not something I want.

I sigh and she smiles knowing she won this battle.

"Fine"

"Okay, now that I got this out of you, he's downstairs" She smiles devilishly as she shes my eyes widen. I'm going to kill her. Well not literally at least.

Fuck.