Married to a sheikh

PART TWO: CHAPTER TWELVE

I looked at the man whom I once loved. It took me a lot of pain to control myself and not listen to what he had to say.

Omar had arrived early today morning at my doorstep. Astonished as I was, I did allow him to come in.

Right now, he sat in front of me. His eyes trailed on the ground. Rubbing the nape of his neck every now and then.

He had been this way for the past hour , I was worried that it would soon be time for Ashàr to wake up. I wasn't a fan of him being subjective to such chaos. Every time Omar and I met , it wasn't a civilised sight.

"Just spit out what ever you have to tell me Omar. I don't have all day." I said coldly.

He looked at me for a couple of seconds before he sighed.

"I am sorry."

I raised my eyebrow in surprise. Omar apologising wasn't something I thought I'd be privileged enough to see in my lifetime.

I waited for him to continue.

"I am sorry about what happened that day. I am sorry I didn't trust you. I am sorry I let you go in the middle of the night. I am sorry I raised my hand at you and I am sorry you had to go through so much because of me." He sighed.

Sorry doesn't repair all the damage actions do.

I looked at him expectantly.

"I am sorry I didn't trust you Amna. I am sorry that I was blindfolded and trusted someone more than you. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but you need to understand I was blind, I was arrogant. I had trust issues."

I looked at the floor now tracing the carpet covered floor with my eyes.

"What do you want now Omar?"
I questioned.

"I want your forgiveness."

"I can't give you that. I am sorry."
I could see the misery in his eyes when he looked at me. His plead for forgiveness.

I was only human. I didn't have the power to forgive the person who had caused me so much pain just because he apologised.

"Come back with me Amna. I want you and Ashàr. I know Ashàr deserves someone much better than me. I know that you deserve someone much better than me but I am willing to try to change myself Amna. I will do anything I can to prove that I will be a better man. You once brought out the good side in me Amna and it can happen again. "

"And what are you going to do with your pregnant wife Omar? What about Sawsan?"

He looked at me confused.

"What about her ? I will divorce her. It will be just you.,me and Ashàr. "

I looked at the man I once loved in disgust. How could someone be so cold hearted?

Anger flowed through me and I looked at him fiercely.

"The way you kicked me out Omar ? The same way?"

If it was possible I thought I saw Omar flinch.
My words had hit him straight.

"I will reconcile with every civility. I will give her all the money. I will give her everything she wishes for. It's all there in the pre-annulment papers.
I will break the deal with her parents. I will do everything and anything."

"What about the child Omar? Are you going to abondon him the way you abandoned my son?"

To this Omar kept quiet.

I searched his eyes and I knew he would never change.

"If we are in such a situation again. You will throw me out without another thought, won't you Omar?"

My voice had gone an octave higher now.

"If can't expect you to ever change Omar. How can you just throw a little child out of your life when nothing was his fault? How can you be willing to do the same again? Ashar was your child. This unborn baby Sawsan has is your child Omar. How could you even think about throwing him out of your life?"

I nodded my head in disappointment.
Get out Omar.

"Give me a chance Amna. I will change." He begged. My heart wouldn't budge. He wasn't the same Omar I once knew.

"Give me one chance Amna. One chance is all I ask for. I will try to be the best dad to Ashàr. I will do anything you say"

"Don't take my second chance away from me. I want to be a better human Amna."

"You didn't pick up one call Omar. Not one call. Everytime I called you it went straight to voice mail. Do you have any idea what all I have suffered through? Do you know him much self restrain I am going through to not throw you out of this place? Forgiveness is not a piece of cake Omar. I am only human. I can't forgive the person who destroyed me."

"I am sorry Amna. I know nothing about my phone going to voice mail."

"If you would have known would you have picked them up? Would you have answered me?"

He remained silent and I knew the answer 'he wouldn't have.'

I closed my eyes as I felt dizzy from all the pressure. I had only started taking anti depressants a few days back. I wasn't healed completely. Maybe I never would be.

I stayed back as I felt unbalanced.

Omar tried to hold me but I pushed his hand away.

"Five years I handled myself and my kid alone Omar what makes you think I need your support now? I understand your need for Ashàr Omar I understand I cannot take my son away from his father. I will think about letting him meet you. But I cannot forgive you Omar. Not now. I don't know when but not now. Maybe when you make all amends. Maybe when you are a good husband to Sawsan, a good father to my son a good father to Sawsan's kid. The day you start living for others and not yourself Maybe someday Omar. I don't know if I am good enough to forgive you but right now I can't. Its not easy to forgive the person who gave you hell. Go Omar. That is all we needed to speak. "

Omar left the house his head hung.

and I settled down on the couch exhausted as the world rotated a little more.

I texted Maya that I needed help and I leaned on the couch as my head grew heavier and heavier till darkness consumed me.

*******************