A/N It's currently two in the morning and I'm sitting here recovering from crying over a song I heard and now am making an AU out of because hey, what else do I exist for at two in the fucking morning?
Also, I don't know why, but I just really like one-sided Shizaya, like, it pisses me off, but I love it, ya know?
Anyway, in this AU, they're in highschool and Izaya's taking care of his little sisters and people don't fear Shizuo, in fact, he's popular with both genders for .. certain things involving his strength*wink* (They still have the 'I hate you' public image)
Anyway, enjoy!
Izaya's POV
Shizu-chan and I have a secret. We've been in a relationship kind of like 'dating', but without a lot of emotion or anything other than physical relations. Not that I don't have an emotional relationship.
Not that I'd ever tell him. Please, I'm his 'boyfriend', a term in which I'm starting to believe is simply a nice way of saying 'sex doll'.
Telling him could make me not even that.
That's all I am anymore in his eyes. Either a doll for his use or a punching bag to take out his anger. I'm not a person, I'm an object to use and throw away as he pleases, and to tell the truth, it hurts. He's living out his dream of killing me and he doesn't even realize it.
All I have of the dream relationship with him is in the bedroom. During the night, between the sheets, I can somehow haze myself into believing that it's love, that he cares about me, that he hasn't and won't be doing the same thing with so many people I doubt he could count the amount.
We don't do anything most of the time. I can barely touch him in a not sexual way, I can't give him a hug, or a quick kiss. The closest we've gotten to 'platonic contact' is sleeping in the same bed and that's just when it's late and I have to crash at his place.
He barely treats me like a person anymore, and with my pride it just plain... hurts...
He calls me his 'boyfriend' and yet, he tries to kill me daily, and yet all I can hear in class is chatter of how 'great but gentle' he is in bed. Gentle my ass, that hurts for about a week afterwords, by the way.
I've gotten fed up many times with it, done with being a crying statue, tired of my little sisters being forced to watch their almost parent break down, tired of being in a supporting role in my own relationship. I've taken Shinra's (the only one that knows about us, though he doesn't really approve because to him it's 'destructive, like I didn't already know that) advice and broken up with him, he's unaffected, mostly because all ten times, I've come crawling back.
I've lost all control of myself, emotion taking the wheel and pushing away sense.
I've always said that I'd rather be alone than be a sideshow in a relationship, but with Shizu-chan, I can't stop myself, I love him so much.
He won over the twins, my parents left us years ago, so no worries about them. Though I think they're suspicious that he's 'hurting Iza-nii'.
I've sometimes ignored him, gained some control in my relationship, but it always ends with me coming back.
When this started out, I was looking for exactly what he was, nothing but physical release. I had no heart to worry about. In fact, I was sure that this fling would end quickly, once he opens up. He hasn't, and now, I fear that it'll end. I fear that I'll lose the little taste of love that I have with him. I know that if I had a say in it, I'd never let him go. I'm a joke. I'll always come crawling back to his arms desperately.
Well, not anymore. Today, I'll make sure that I'll never go back again.
After texting Shinra a simple 'You're their godfather, be good to them, they deserve stronger than me.' I planned to ensure that I'll never go back to him.
