Kari Vents About Stuff and Thangs

To Someone

We were friends. Maybe not best, but friends enough. I got mad at you, but just tried to help you grow. And you did! It was slow, but you still showed signs of being a good and semi-responsible person.

And then he happened.

It was subtle, but you gradually talked about him more and more. And you told me that you liked him, and it was pretty obvious, not gonna lie. But I didn't say that it did annoy me that the conversations were basically the same: family life sucked, him, and SuperWhoLock. Because I understood. He made you happy even though you weren't together at the time, and family life sucked for you. But things were okay more or less. And then we had that first cut off where, to put it simply, you tried to null and void my opinion on something political just because I was not registered to vote. I always did want to use this example on you for that situation... You are not allowed to like Homestuck or Gamzee because you never read the comic. Oh you used a certain reference without watching it? Sorry you have to stop using it.

Anyways... we made up enough. We kept out friendship to the net, and it was alright-ish.

Then the past few months happened. And I got an idea of who you really are. It started when you booted your "friend" from our group chat, because she was "being an annoying cunt and ruining the trolling." She wasn't being annoying, and if anything YOU were. You were making an excuse to support this behavior, and not to mention highly supportive of the kill yourself comments/trolling from the other person you added. Because it was "just a joke." Fine, but I still expected better from you, especially since I do kind of really take it seriously. A really close friend of mine seriously thought about it recently and has been struggling: so I'd rather not take it so lightly.

I also expected better from him, seeing as how his he called his own girlfriend an annoying cunt behind her back to you. (Side note, I didn't know that me not getting a horrible joke punchline meant I got offended easily. Seriously go back in that chat and tell me how it makes sense. I know you won't tho, as you are "too lazy.") And then you both were upset that someone found out how nasty you both actually were and did the right thing of telling her and myself. I had started to make a tentative decision, but said nothing.

And then the OTHER chat happened. I never asked you to send me dead animals. I never challenged you to send more after he did, merely made a comment about how either he or the other one would spam them since that was their thing. But sure enough, it was you who did it, even though you know I hate that. Especially the fucking dead cat. And you had the nerve to laugh and say, "Chill out it's a joke!" Okay, but would you have the same reaction if I brought your mom in as a topic? Because I mean, it's just a joke right? You wouldn't mind if I compared you to your mom right? It's a joke, after all, because I am bored.

And your excuse was, "I've always been this way: mean and ornery. I see an opportunity and I take it." There was more, but I'm trying to forget frankly.

And so I finally made that decision final. Because I don't want to feel like a toy like she did. Because you started to decide that anything I said was stupid (case in point: the wasp vs mosquito debacle. You never even LOOKED at my links as you used the tablet excuse. I didn't even see you TRY to defend your side so don't you dare think you are a scientist. Because a TRUE scientist would have backed up their side with evidence, like I did. You just discredited it because I didn't type it all out, which you wouldn't have read to begin with). Because I started to see that maybe you don't need someone like me nor want it. You want someone like him to support those horrible habits that allow you to basically cheer when someone takes their own life. It doesn't matter that you are comfortable joking about it even though you tried to do such an act: other people aren't and take it seriously. If someone has an issue, at least try to be respectful. I can see now that I somehow lost all respect in your eyes, despite trying to support you. Hell, even though I can't stand him, I still supported you with wanting to be with him. Because he made you happy. I guess neither of you saw that, seeing as how I'm "normal" and just like everyone else and so unoriginal. You probably never saw that either, seeing as how you never really defended me when I think about it. To this day I still don't know why he hates me. I didn't say or do anything to him yet here we are. I guess it doesn't matter now. You probably started to hate me too, come to think about it. I can't pin point when for sure, but I get the feeling you did, you just were too scared to confront me, even though you were perfectly fine giving me snarky remarks because I didn't understand your vagueness.

Heh, with so many mentions of him, you would think I'm jealous huh or dying for approval. No, not really, but I am still highly curious. Ah well, I wouldn't get an answer, and I doubt he'll see this unless you show him. You probably will if you see this, which that's fine I guess. Despite this being open to prying eyes, I'd rather this still be between us, but if you show him, I guess I can't blame you. I guess this could have been better suited for a journal or something if I truly wanted, but the vague sense of being anonymous on here does help.

At any rate... I started to not feel safe around you. For the record, it really isn't normal to fantasize about a friend's death. It's actually rather terrifying, as I never know if you'll be the one to do it. I also got the feeling that I couldn't vent to you, since my issues weren't all that significant to yours. I will say that this probably wasn't your doing though, so I guess this point has no meaning. This whole thing probably doesn't.

I wish things could have worked out between us. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be or maybe I wasn't patient enough, but I guess what's done is done. For what it's worth, I do hope that you can get out of that shit-hole of a home and say "Fuck you" to your dad. I hope you have a happy and healthy relationship with him. I hope you do something nice with your life

Man... this turned out longer than anticipated, but hopefully it'll help me to get rid of the bitter and salty taste. Letting go really is a hard thing for me to do, and this does kind of show.