Time To Go

Eighteen: John O

"He's stable, doctor, but there's nobody here to see him..."

"Didn't you ask if he wanted someone to come and get him when he was here?"

"Yes, before he passed out but the man he asked for is in the hospital now."

"I know him from somewhere... I've seen him here before..."

"He's here a lot. He spends most of his time here."

"We need someone here for him. Any relatives?"

"His sister is a patient here too, doctor. His Father doesn't live with him and we have no idea where his Mother is."

"Fine. Take him into the room. Who did he ask for, just out of curiousity?"

"John O'Callaghan, doctor."

"No..."

This last one is from me. I have no doubt in my mind that there is only one man in the world who could have possibly asked for me; Kennedy.

"Please let him be alright," I whisper, holding my cold hands together... praying.

"John?"

The door opens soon after the noise has died down, and Dr Roberts is standing in the doorway, holding a small tub that shakes like a maraca.

"John, I have your medication here."

I turn away from him, tears bristling under my eyelids.

"I'm sorry, John," Dr Roberts sounds sincere. "I know he means a lot to you."

"You don't know shit about him," I snap. "You don't know anything about what I feel for him. You don't know how much I want him to... to d-die with me."

He places the tablets on the table.

"You don't have to take them if you don't want to," he says gently.

"I wasn't planning to, Dr Roberts," I say in a muffled voice.

"I know you weren't," he sighs heavily. "Believe it or not, John, I'm going to miss you."

"Fuck you," I whisper, tears glimmering as they slide down my cheeks. "Fuck everyone. I can't wait to get off this shit-hole of a planet."

"You're only lying to yourself," he mutters and leaves.

I turn over and stare at the plastic tub. It's glinting at me, winking, daring me to take the tablets and pretend that they're going to make a difference.