Just Another Boy

Part 2

A year ago is when my life was hell. It all started with someone reappearing in my life, things started to happen to me and I just couldn't stand them. My life became blank, my world like a black hole. Nothing seemed right to me, everything seemed wrong to me. I can remember the times I would escape to my room for a brief period of time to try and forget what was going on. I would lock the door and shut the light off, I would even play some sad ass music. I would go to school with a smile, but only to pose so nobody knew what I was going through. I would block everyone out of my life, and I wouldn't let anyone get to close to the 'real' me. I was like a a stormy cloud on a sunny day, making everyone around me gloomy.

I sat in my room one night, right after I got into a fight with my parents and cried. I saw a pencil sharpener, so I picked it up and tried to take it apart, of course it didn't work at first so, I found a small hand held screw driver and took it apart. I accomplished that part, but then it came to the moment when I had to decide if I actually wanted to put it to my skin. I choose, I watched the blade be put to my skin and then I watched the blood run down my arm as I kept going and going. Finally my arm was all red and I couldn't cry anymore. I thought I was about to die, or pass out, but I didn't do any of those. I just sat there, and then it hit me, I had just walked into a whole new world. I needed help, but how was I going to tell my mom? I was scared. I was frightened, but I couldn't tell anyone, they would tell then I would be on my way to the psych house. I couldn't handle the people there, no TV. Plus if I went there I would have a room mate, and I couldn't do that I would have killed myself. That's when I realized, I really did need help. What the hell is wrong with me?

That was then, though, and now it's now. I can say this now, I feel so much better about myself. Of course my best friend talked me into saying something about my problem when she found out. I thank her so much for that. My mom found out and then she made me go and take counseling, which I didn't mind,hell it made me get better. Thanks to Clara, she saved my life. Then we weren't really that close, but now we are as close as friends can get. Her boyfriend Chad, plays football. Chad and Clara have been dating for about a year and a half now, they are like the cutest couple ever! I love them! Not like I'm lesbian or anything, because believe me I'm not, I've had my share of guys, and I'm most defiantly straight. I love guys, and their bodies.

(1 week later)

Clara gave me that look at the lunch table, like you have feelings for the new kid, and man did she guess it right. I looked back at her and shrugged my shoulders, "What now?" I asked her.

"You know it, just admit it Olie, You like the new kid. You have feelings for him."

"Keep it down, alright alright, I do, but for future references, I've known him for about 4 years, he just moved away, and now he is back."

She looked at me hard and smiled, " I'm so happy you moved on from douche face."

I looked past her at the idiot and nodded, " Me too girl, you were so right I never needed him."

The three of us just sat there the rest of the lunch hour talking about stupid shit, like we always did. I couldn't get Nate out of my head, it was like we were already together. Actually I felt like that's where we were going, I mean it just hit me when I seen him, all of my feelings gushed out of my heart. I couldn't stop smiling. I loved the way he made me feel I loved the fact that I was free to smile again, and that the frown that was once there ain't there anymore. I was happy for my self for once, I was in love and I couldn't help it. I fell in love the moment I saw him. He called me beautiful, and all I could do was smile. I love the way he makes me feel so free. Its like we're a Johnny Cash and June, he is my Johnny and I'm his June.