When I started 5th grade, I knew that something was off and something was wrong. I didn't have very many friends because I was that one awkward girl in class. I guess you could say I was shy. I had a really hard time coping with things in 5th grade because I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a couple years back and I felt different than the other kids. I was on many different medications because nothing seemed to work. I was unhappy and teased a lot in 5th grade.
I didn't really think things would ever get better because I thought that everything that happened was my fault no matter what. I didn't have really anyone to talk to and I didn't have much of anything I could use to cope.
During 5th grade, I actually had an accident in the gym. I was having a super hard day and I just wanted to end my life. I wanted to be done and just be with my dog Tokyo. I was done with everything and everyone. I managed to hit my head (by running quickly into the wall) and pretty much knocking myself out. Everyone laughed. They thought i was faking, little did they know I was having a hard day. Nobody asked if I was okay nor did my gym teacher see what happened for at least 2-3 minutes. 2-3 LONG minutes. My mom was called and I was told to go home. The other kids in my gym class called my stupid and idiotic for running into the gym wall on purpose. I was tired of their taunting. I was out from school for 8 days, I had a severe concision and it didn't look good. I remember my mom telling me that I wasn't allowed to sleep for the first 12 hours of my injury. I was nervous and scared.
Going back to school was hell. People would come up to me and say did you really hit your head on the gym wall because I heard that you are really dumb and can't even walk right. I ran away from all the horrible things people said to me. It really bothered me that I was being bullied. I'm nice I thought, I'm a good person I said. But maybe I'm not enough.
Towards the end of 5th grade, I finally told my mom and dad about everything that was going on at school and the things people we're saying to me. But I wish I hadn't opened my mouth because my mom went to the school and talked to my teacher and some of the staff. It didn't take long for the other kids to find out that I snitched and told people what was really going on. My teacher talked to all the people in my class about bullying and how it's wrong and how it hurts people. I remember this kid chiming in saying, we know why you're saying this to us... Snitches get stitches. I walked out of the room and went to go cry in the bathroom. I once again thought about ending my life. Just being done and saying fuck it and leaving. But something was holding me back. & I needed to figure out what that was.
