I couldn't stand it, I need Tate I need him more than air, well I'm dead and I don't breathe so I need him more than I needed* air. His sandy brown curls, his soft light skin, the way he held me. All of it was perfect in every way to me. I didn't use to know that anyone could love like him, he didn't care what I was he only cared about who I was he made me confident. I was a bit self conscious about being an outcast but now I'm proud to be me.
I have so much time these days, I wonder, about those 15 students that lost their lives and where they would be if they didn't die, I wonder about Hayden and why she is so evil, I even wonder about me and Tate what would have happened if I hadn't died or even if I had left completely. I would be 21 I could have a baby or my own company I would have a life and I could even be successful and not be doomed to this shit, but after all it's my fault. Im the one that brought the pills to my lips not Tate. I was gonna die anyway he just tried to protect me. Mental brake-downs were the new norm for me back then I wasn't even sad anymore I couldn't be sad I'm just numb incredibly painfully numb and everyone was too ignorant to notice. Teachers thought I was a "goth hipster wannabe trying to be cool"
But who could pretend to be sad. It's a filthy world we live in there's so much pain and tate was just doing them favours I guess. I quote Tate more and more everyday he's just so smart and he just understands me, I mean it must take a lot of wit to be a phycopath. I can't stand it anymore I need him I need him more than I needed airSorry for last chaps shittyness