This is..it.

Chapter 1

More angry words screamed at each other.

More eye rolls, and scoffs.

More strain and hurt put on two separate hearts.

Every time I get in a fight with her, every time I bring up the one subject that puts even more strain on our already broken relationship, every time I am stupid enough to think that I can be honest with her about my feelings, I'm WRONG.

Every single time.

It's not even worth the breath I waste anymore. It's been 2 years. We have absolutely no hope of solving this. This is the one thing that's gonna break us. It's the one thing we both know is gonna end this amazing thing we've built. The thing we tried so hard to save. It's hard. So fucking hard being in love with her, and knowing it's not gonna last. It never was. We're literally the definition of a 'toxic romance'. We're no good for each other. It just wasn't meant to be. We both know it now. Actually, we've always known.

Hurt..

That's something we can't stop doing to each other. We can't ever just let anything go, can we? We have to keep it going, because it's the only thing that gets our adrenaline pumping for each other. The sex lost it's sparks long ago, about the same time the kisses did. We're both just lying to ourselves. We're lying about being IN love with each other. Of course we love each other, and we always will. However, we both fell out of love a long time ago. All because of one thing. One person, actually. A person that I hate with the most burning passion. A person I would be happy never seeing again. But to her, it's a person she craves memories with. A person she misses. A person she loves.

Jealousy..

That's all we have nowadays.. Actually, it isn't her. It's just me. She stopped caring about me a long time ago. She stopped caring about who I talked to, or who I look at. She's just putting on an act now, not wanting to let me know that she honestly couldn't give a fuck anymore, as to who I text, lust after, or even spare a single glance at. She shows it every day. She thinks I don't see it, but I do. I see the dullness in her eyes. I see the way she looks at other people's relationships, and envies them.. She wants us to be like them, but she KNOWS, that we'll never be.

Curse words, and insults thrown yet again, because she gets frustrated with who I am. She gets frustrated when she tries to understand me. She can't and she never will, because she doesn't try. I see it. I honestly do. I see the way her eyes dull down when she looks me. I cry about it all the time. Call me a cry baby, if you'd like, but I can't help it. I really do spent half of life crying. More than half, really. I don't mean to, but sometimes before I even realize it there's tears in my eyes.

Love..

But then.. Every time I actually open my eyes, I see it.. I see her love for me. I see her passion again. I see how much she actually cares. After a long night of screaming, tears, and whispered words, I find myself caring again. I find myself realizing that I'm stupid, so stupid, to think think that she doesn't love me. I know she does. She's told me so many times, and I'm just stupid to assume. I know she loves me, and I love her right back. Once I get over my negativity, I feel better again. Once I see how nice my life really is, I suddenly feel so bad for even assuming the worst of her. I love her, and I'm lying when I'm saying I'm not in love with her. Because I am, and I always have been.