•Prelude•
Where to begin?
Where SHOULD I begin?
And what to begin with?
There's just so many things to say, and so, oh so little time...
Not really. In fact, I have all the time in the world when you think about it.
But when you think about the amount of time I have left WHILE still keeping my sanity, well, that's another story.
I'd say the said time is cut in at least half. And that's a really, really vague estimation.
It's more like I have no time left...
But that's not how I should have begun.
Let's start over once again. It's just the second time after all...
And everybody deserves a second chance...
And I mean it. Everybody. Every single human, animal or even herbal being out there.
But that's getting ahead of myself.
Damn it, that certainly isn't how I wished I had begun this.
Okay, now that last sentence isn't clear. At all.
Can you believe I'm actually laughing to myself as of now?
Silly me, of course you can, you don't know anything. What a stupid assumption I just made.
Well I guess I should start then. No use in keeping you waiting, really.
Really.
Who am I fooling?
Certainly not myself, of that, I'm 100% sure.
Better warn you, though. It's not like what I'm about to write is a happy story.
You shouldn't be watching, or shall I say reading, this if your eyes tend to go all watery after seeing a hurt puppy.
Right. It's not like anyone cared enough about me to actually read this. And I don't blame anyone either.
I'm not worth anyone's time, and I'm okay with it.
Really.
I would feel bad if someone I know wasted time reading this.
And it's not like me to send it to people. That would be like seeking compassion and pity, and there's no way in Hell I'll ever do that purposely.
I think it's more for myself than anyone out there.
Wow. That sounded selfish.
I'm not a selfish person... I think?
I'm not sure about that, but, in my humble opinion, which, I know all too well, isn't worth a lot, I don't consider myself a selfish person.
But I might be in some people's mind. If it's the case then I'm sorry to seem that way for you. I'll try harder not to seem selfish.
That was stupid. Having a conversation with myself. Here. God damn my self-made promise.
Yeah, I kinda promised myself I wouldn't erase anything I wrote down on here. Otherwise every single word written down would have its faith sealed in immediate destruction. And that would be pretty unfair for those innocent words.
I guess I should start now.
Start with the beginning. Of course. Such a stupid statement.
I really am stupid.
They were all right about this.
Just one thing. Everything written here is true. Not a word is embellished, not a fact is twisted to seem more interesting.
Simple, plain, ugly truth.
How I wish things would have turned out otherwise.
I used to be happy.
And by happiness, I mean real happiness, not that fake of a "flash-a-smile" I've been doing ever since.
How I hate to be whining like this. I know I'm luckier than a lot of people are. I have a relatively good life. I have...friends... And a stable family. I'm not poor.
I'm not dying of hunger.
I don't suffer from any important disease.
I don't live in a world filled with weapons and death.
But that "happiness" I'm showing... It's as fake as it gets. A façade. Hiding, always hiding, under that mask of normality. Trying to make yourself believe nothing happened.
That it's all good.
When truly it isn't.
When, inside, you're dying.
Dying to let it out, dying to scream it out, dying to...
Die.
I know there's no use in contemplating the past.
But there's no use in trying to open a locked door without the key either, yet we're all doing it.
Hah.
Ok. Now I'm starting. For real.
