5:00AM

Chapter 1 - The Move

{edited by nayyy27 on Thursday 24th September 2015}

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Today was the day! Today was the day I finally moved out. I get to move out of home, start fresh! I honestly think it's the best thing for me. Me moving out is a new beginning, a new chapter in my life and I can't wait.

I found a small apartment on 84th Boulevard, New York, only three or four streets away from Yale University which I will begin to attend by the end of Summer. I made sure that I had quite a few months after I moved in to unpack, get settled in, comfortable in my surroundings, and see what's around town. This is all so I won't be swapped with school work and unpacking all at the same time. I am not good with high stress levels!

The apartments not too big, but it's the perfect size for one person. Just me...

It's smooth walls were painted a crisp white, that really gave the entire apartment a fresh, new, yet-to-be loved feel. I liked that; simple colours and floor plan. It really gives someone time and space to really make an apartment... home!

It's currently 9:08 AM, Saturday 8th of August and I'm scheduled to move in, in exactly four hours. The countdown on! My nerves were running higher and higher, the wild, erratic butterflies that were swirling and fluttering against the wall of my stomach, were making me feel quite light-headed. I felt sick to my stomach, thinking about living alone, my mother won't be there to help me when I need, she won't be there to talk to me, just in casual conversation or in deep, emotional conversation. I would like to call myself an independent person, but the moment I step out the doorway of the house I have called home for the past 17 years of my life, and into my new home, hopefully the place I will call home for a long while to come, is when I really become an independent person. Just me, myself and I to depend on, no one to talk to day in and day out. Just me.

As I taped up the very last of my boxes, packed with all of my belongings, I sat it down, with a little bit of a struggle, with the other boxes in the corner, of my now, empty bedroom. As I walked to the doorway, I turned on my heels, crossed my arms across my chest and leaned against the doorway. As I looked across the wide, empty space, it really hit me, hard, that this was it. A cascade of memories washed over my mind as I watched the memories unfold and play in front of my very own eyes; I saw the pink painted walls, (Fairy Floss Pink, to be exact) and my baby crib, filled with my baby toys and mobile hanging delicately from the ceiling. I watched as my mom, holding me close to her chest, cradle me whilst she walked into my room and welcomed me home from the hospital as a new born baby. Mom told me about this moment so many time, she said that it was one her favourite memories of the countless moments we shared. I watched the toddler me, in a white floral dress and lite, cream coloured flats, running cross the floor to meet my mom and dad on the other side of the room as they knelt, with their arms out at the doorway, ready to hold me tight in their loving arms when I reached them. I watched so many memories flood past, from those young and happy years to the older, more mature and honestly, not quite so "happy" years. I saw the pink walls fade into a light grey colour as my age matured and style changed. I saw the more miserable moments of life, one of the most dramatic times was when my mom found out that my dad cheated on her, she cried historically as she walked in and slumped on my bed, I was fourteen and was old and mature enough to understand what had happened, she sat with me, explained what had happened and held me tight against her chest, just like she had done when I was a newborn. I remember we sat for hours, just crying together and holding each other until all the tears had been washed out of our bodies and we simply could not cry any longer. I watched as all of the styles I had gone through flashed through my vision, from pink walls, to posters of my favourite bands on the newly painted white walls, to the then white walls and older, bohemian/indie style furniture and fashion I recently came to love.