4 steps back

Teaser

" if I didn't have intentions on a future with you I wouldn't be here wasting your time. " He said sitting on the edge of  my bed with his head in his hands .

" and my intentions weren't for you to have visualized a future with me. i have intentions on us being friends and having small benefits that's how it's been since high school. Why can't it stay that way? "

" because before then we had a thing. you were my first everything Luchae. it was you over everybody, even Marie. i love you. I don't want to just fuck you anymore I want more with you. " He said standing up walking towards me.

" when I wanted more from you , you didn't want that! I was willing to give my extremely all to you KEMON MY ALL! I cried so much thinking I wasn't good enough thinking you didn't care for me anymore. I wanted you and only you. every other nigga I could've gave my all to and I wanted to give it to your black ass . " I yelled feeling my eyes burn.

" I'm not going to stand here and act like I don't love you or act like I don't care about you and with every emotion inside of me wanting to be in love with you because I do. I'm scared Kemon I'm scared that you are going to hurt me. more painfully than you ever have. I don't want to ever feel like I felt 3 years ago. " I semi-yelled not letting the tears come down.

I swallowed the lump in my throat looking at him in his eyes. Feeling proud of myself for not letting a tear fall.

" So your telling me that everything we've been doing these past years was you just leading me on ?" He asked quietly.

" You've always said when you graduate from High School you wanted to fly to New York, I took you there. When we laid in the hotel bed the night we landed there and you woke me up at 3 in the morning saying we need to talk. I talked to you. When you asked me to open up to you I opened up to you. When you asked me to apologize for what I made you become I apologized. When you asked me to always be there for you I have. "He said grabbing my face and trying to find my emotion just like I was trying to do the same.

With the small years of studying the human body, I see not one emotion in his eyes. And that's either because there is none or he's angry.

" Can't you see that I'm trying to be what you want me to be. " Kemon said quietly looking into my eyes.

I was so focused on not letting him see me weak and not wanting to shed a tear. I didn't know where my words to respond were going to come from.

" You sound so pathetic nigga. No I don't see that your trying honestly. I don't feel the love you claim to have for me and I don't want to because all you're going to do is go back to what you were. " I said grabbing his hand and walking towards my bathroom.

" I do remember when we went to New York. I remember all the bitches you flirted with in my face, I remember you sliding a bitch your number in my face I remember you leaving me every night to go to clubs all that and I also remember you bending me over in the 4 seasons pent house shower and fucking me senseless." I chuckled running shower water.

" I remember changing myself around for you, trying to look my best and compare with the bitches you check for. " I stripped my clothes. While he just sat there and watched me with no emotion.

" IM NOT FUCKING GOING THROUGH IT AGAIN KEMON. " I yelled at the top of my lungs.

He flinched and tightened his jaw signaling his anger.

" Stop talking to me like you fucking stupid Luchae. " He said walking towards me next to the shower.

I just stood there watching his every move with a lust emotion running through me.