Aspiration

Chapter One

Matthew - 9.8.11

The slight breeze of the air conditioner hitting my face was a nice start to the day, followed by the sound of distant cars driving from place to place. I sat on the edge of my bed and let my head rest in my hands as I took a long, deep breath. Tomorrow was the first day of school and I could already feel the stress piling onto me, before it even started.

I walked into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich and saw - surprise! - nothing left for me. My dad left me when I was younger and my mom was always busy working so I never really saw her. She made subtle attempts at bonding with me but most, if not all, failed and in the end we simply became distant. She still made the effort of working to help keep me in school and feed me and I love her, I simply wish I could see her more often and be able to tell that to her face. At this point, I don't even know what her job is. She could still be working at the same place or could've gotten fired for one or two jobs and simply never been around to tell me. Whatever she does, it keeps us going.

My eyes were barely half opened and I slowly made my way to the counter where I quietly began making my plain ham and cheese sandwich. I could feel my drooping eyelids becoming lighter and easier to keep open and by the time I had finished my sandwich I was almost completely awake and ready for the last day of summer.

There really wasn't much for me to do or that I wanted to do. I lead a boring life with little to no excitement. What I usually did was just take a walk outside and admire the same things every day. It was calming, but it just kept reminding me how nothing ever changed around here. People came following the same routine, shops kept selling the same things, and the weather kept to its bipolar schedule.

I took a few minutes to shower, brush my teeth, and put on clothes. The door creaked loudly as I closed it shut, locking it before I left. I started to look around and see if I could notice some new people or notice some new changes. I saw Julie walking around with possibly her fourth boyfriend this year. She went to english class with me last year and enjoyed mentioning my smell and ragged clothing at any given moment. I also saw Jacelyn and her boyfriend Noah walking together. I could tell he didn't want to be with her and the bags under his eyes were showing just how tired he was.

I turned back and started walking my usual route: all the way across town by following one street and then crossing through the middle on my way back. I usually tried to avoid being noticed by anyone at school but almost no one even notices me there anyways so no one ever made a scene or tried to talk to me. The closest I've had is when someone noticed my clothing and tried to donate five dollars to me. I kindly rejected his offer and tried to walk away but I couldn't undo the attention I got from that. Having people staring at me made me uncomfortable.

The time I spent walking was normally spent in deep thought and daydreaming and today was no exception. All that I could think of was everything that happened over the summer break and not even two minutes had passed before I had finished going over all that I had done, realizing just how little I had accomplished over the course of three months. Most of my time was spent inside my small room, drawing unrecognizable art and writing down fantasies and dreams I had. It was fun and I can't say that I regret it, however, looking back now, it looks as though all of what I had done was completely pointless; a waste of time.

A new store had finally been opened: Sweetbrew Cafe. It started being built a few months ago and showed little promise of ever being finished, but here it is. It wasn't much and no one seemed to have noticed it at all, which isn't very surprising. A boy stood behind the counter, clearly bored with his work and having little to nothing at all to do, considering the lack of customers.

My walk around town didn't show much promise since I haven't got much to think about or new things to look at, so I quickly walked over to the cafe. I could smell the smell of coffee before I was even ten feet away from the door. I felt a soft breeze of cold air as soon as I opened the door and I started to feel tired and relaxed. The smell didn't help either and it felt like a task trying to keep my eyes open long enough to see where I was walking. The boy from behind the counter almost fell over trying to get back on his feet whenever he finally noticed someone was here, knocking down his stool

"H-hello, can I help you with anything?" it sounded as if he'd never even talked to another person, although with such a deserted place to work, he didn't need to talk to much people anyways. I almost felt bad - an antisocial kid having to work, always worried about messing up, which made him mess up even more.

I had wanted to ask a bit about the place but I could tell that if I did he'd simply freak out more so I shook my head and sat at the farthest table in the back, in the very corner. There was a small menu on the table and the chairs were comfortable. It was sort of confusing as to why no one came here - it seemed like such a nice place to relax and do work, like any other coffee shop. The only thing was the coffee or tea, but it's not like I drink either of them, except for artificially flavored tea.

After a few minutes I started to feel guilty, considering how little customers this place gets and when they finally do, they don't buy anything. I took out a dollar and asked for a water bottle. It wasn't much, at all, but at least they'll get something for me being here instead of false hopes of payment.

The bright sunlight that burned my eyes was a reminder that it was still daytime whenever I opened the door to the cafe and left. The air was feeling slightly cooler than before I went into the cafe and the only other change was the slight smell of smoke coming from the homeless smoker sitting only a few feet away. He breathed out and a wisp out smoke came out. I felt a sympathy for him but I knew I couldn't help him. If I tried to, I'd simply lose what I had and probably end up in a similar situation so I walked past him.

My feel started to feel heavy and I knew I wouldn't be able to stay awake long enough to finish the full trip. I sighed and turned back around; it wouldn't do me much good to find myself half asleep in the dark, it'd just cause more trouble that'd cause my mother to stress beyond what's possible for her to handle.

I started walking back and had to, unfortunately, go through the guilt of walking past the homeless bum and large crowd of people, constant muttering keeping me from thinking straight as I tried to find my way around everyone.

I stopped walking after what felt like 10 minutes whenever I heard the soft mew of what sounded like a kitten and I turned to see myself staring into the closed eyes of a possibly newborn kitten lying helpless on the ground by a trashcan, left to die.

I rushed towards it and looked down at it. I wanted more than anything else to help it but what could I do? I didn't have the money to feed it, nor the knowledge to take care of one anyways, but I'd feel guilty if I didn't. I couldn't do much for the man before but if anything, I can at least take this kitten under my wing and care for it until it's able to live on its own, but, again, how? I could get a job, but what could I do that'd pay enough while also being legal for me to work at, having been under eighteen and unable to do much without parent guardians. It's not like I can ask my mom to help anyways.

I took off my tattered sweater and wrapped the kitten with it and rushed home, or walked at a somewhat faster pace, whichever. I could feel it's chest slightly move as it breathed in and I could hear its quiet mews as I tried my best to keep from dropping it. I couldn't quite tell how much of the kitten was actually being covered by the sweater, considering the lack of fabric left on it.

When I got home I immediately tried to find any information on kittens and even went so far as to call a pet store and found a list of things to buy and a total price. I could try and take it from the emergency fund but it's for emergencies and I highly doubt my mom would call this an emergency. If anything she'd just tell me to throw the kitten out. However, if I don't then I won't be able to save it. I shook my head and got 3/4 of all the money in the emergency fund and ran out, hoping that the kitten would at least be alive whenever I came back. At this point, I no longer felt tired and all that kept me going was the thought of a dead kitten in the house and how angry my mom would feel is she came home and smelt it.