RUMBOB JEFFSKIN

A long time ago, in a far-off land, there was a boy whose mother had just become queen. He was a prince now, and he felt good. However, this boy does not play any part in the story I'm about to tell you, and is in no way relevant to the modern day; because that was a long, long time ago.

The real story begins here in England, in the recent year of 2011. There was a girl called Alexandra (but she liked to be called Alex) and she lived a perfectly happy life. But just around the corner from her, there was a mansion. In this mansion lived the mayor and his son. His son was one year older than Alex, and he was called Frederick. He called the parents of all teenaged girls in the town to a meeting. This was a meeting to see who his bride would be. And as he was practically a prince, they all assumed that their daughters would marry him on the spot if they had the chance. The mothers and fathers gathered around, and spoke of the great things their daughters could do. But at the end of the day, nobody had something that Frederick wanted. Until Alex's father said, "Sorry to bother you sir" while trying to get Frederic's attention by putting his hand on the his shoulder, "But my daughter can make money out of nothing."

"Can she really, or are you just lying to me to make me marry your daughter for something she can't-"

He cut him off, "She can."

"Oh," said the 'prince', slightly annoyed. And then he was silent for a few seconds, but then, "I would like to have her demonstrate to me her amazing powers that you say she has."

"I will tell her, and we can organise a date for-"

It was Frederick's turn to interrupt, "Tomorrow!" he said, and walked off to attend to guests.

And that afternoon, on short notice, Alex was told that she had to learn to conure money out of nothing. "I never even wanted to marry him! And you know as well as I do, that if I could conjure money from thin air, we wouldn't be living in a flat with four rooms!" She ranted, "But I guess since I'm seeing him tomorrow I best get preparing!"

That night, Alex woke to the buzzing of her phone. She picked it up. Five minutes 'till rendezvous. She slipped out of her pyjamas, and into a tracksuit. She put what money she did have (One hundred and twenty pounds out of her savings yesterday) in a small backpack, and swung it over her shoulder. She looked both ways to check nobody was watching before stepping out of the door, and shutting it behind her. Four minutes 'till rendezvous. She dashed across the street, looking dead ahead as she passed a gang in a dark alleyway. She gave them a nod of greeting before passing them. Three minutes 'till rendezvous. She climbed the ladder up the side of a public internet cafe, and dropped down into the small outdoor area that the man called the house's 'garden'. Two minutes 'till rendezvous. The house; she realized; was abandoned. She opened the unlocked door with a creak. And stepped inside, taking the bag off her shoulder, and dunking it on a table. One minute 'till rendezvous. She lay back and waited. Her phone went 'ping' to signify that time was up, and a small man stepped into the room.

"You're right on time," said Alex "I have the money."

"Great to see you too." He grunted. Alex shot him a glare, and he straightened up, "Down to business then."

"So the plan is simple - You take seventy-five pounds from this bag as up-front payment, and smug-"

"And smuggle the rest of the money into the room that you're in, saving the day. What makes you trust me so much?" He asked.

"When have you ever let me down, RumBob JeffSkin?"

"Fair point. So What's the total payment; including long-term, of course?"

"Thirteen thousand British pounds sterling, and five percent of my total profits as future mayoress."

"I'm OK with the thirteen big ones, but only five percent?"

"I'm sorry, but it's the best I can do"

"Twenty percent."

"Or what?"

"Or I don't do the job."

Alex looked worried for a second, and then said "Fine."

The next day, Alex was put to the test. It all went according to plan. RumBob JeffSkin came in time. He handed over all forty-five pounds in a small bag. And when she presented it to the mayor's son, he was amazed.

I guess I could say they got married and lived happily ever after. But that would be lying. It turns out that Alex had over-estimated the money which a mayoress of a small town makes per day, and wasn't able to pay the full fee to RumBob in time!

"I'm sorry!" She exclaimed, "Just give me some time!"

"The deal was, that if the money wasn't in my account by a week after you got the position, you would have to decline your position as mayoress, and let my cousin have it!"

"I just need some time!" She explained to him.

"OK," he said, "You've payed ten grand of the total thirteen, so I'll let you off with it if you can guess my mobile phone number."

"Oh," said Alex, calmly pulling out her phone and scanning through her contacts until she found his name. Then she said: "0753 229 4618"

"That's cheating!" he shouted.

"'The deal was,'" Alex said in a mocking voice. "Anyway, you lost."

"Fine!" he said, "You're still giving me twenty percent of your profit though."

"Yeah, yeah."

And they all lived happily ever until Frederick died from heart disease nine years after...