Inspired by Songs

part 2 - There is a light that never goes out

Andrea had always been an outcast.

It started in the park. Andrea went there when she had an overload of feelings or needed to get away from her mother. The mist settling over the grass gave her a feeling of calm, and that settled her and set her back to carrying on with her life as if nothing had happened.

Just the way she liked it.

That one time she was in the park. A brown paper bag was in her hand - the contents unknown to anyone but herself and the man who sold it to her. Walking through the park in silence, she reached a bench. She stretched her neck upwards and looked at the sky. The sun was dropping in the sky and a dark blue haze was descending over the curve of the landscape. Andrea sat down on the bench and leant over the back, letting her arms stretch out away from her. There she sat until a boy of her age came up the path and recognised the girl on her own with the brown paper bag.

~

James loved Andrea. There was no way around it. He loved that she was a lone wolf - even if he wanted to change that. He loved that she didn't care about anything - even if that meant she didn't care about him. He loved that she gave him attention - even if it was inconsistent and wavy.

But she didn't love him. James knew this. He knew she was incapable of love and although this was the thought that kept him up at night, he went on in hope. God, he lived on it. But her feelings never changed. When Andrea spent time with him, he felt loved but also used. He had never expressed this, because Andrea wouldn't care.

But when he saw her alone in the park, the arc of her neck bending evermore, her bright blonde hair outlined against the darkness and her arms stretched out like an angel's to heaven, there was a new spark of something, and he didn't care that she didn't love him; he would love her.

He thought of calling out to her, but the words didn't come. Instead, he sat down on the bench next to her, daring to sit within range of her hand. His pulse elevated, but there was no conversation.

"Let's go driving," James blurted. Andrea stopped breathing, as if James' presence was only just noticed.

"Okay," was all she said, and they got up from the bench and went to his car.

~

James knew where Andrea wanted to go. They went there every time he drove her anywhere, and so he took the long route along the coast and round the headland to a small cove where a group of them met each month.

When he had parked precariously on the edge of the cliff, he went to get out, but Andrea put a hand on his elbow and stopped him. His breath stopped at this unexpected contact, but he complied and looked out into the bay with her.

"My mother said I remind her of Morrissey," Andrea said. Her voice, as always, was emotionless and cold. James continued to look out to sea. His eye had caught a body in the water, but his mind - as always - was focused on Andrea. He nodded slowly, not negative, not positive. "She hates Morrissey."

This was news indeed. James had heard many stories of Andrea's mother's hatred for her only child, but the others were more subtle. This was out in plan sight, and even though Andrea's expression was void of... well, anything, James knew better. This was what had come out of five years of loving the same girl unrequited, and he could never say he regretted it. Thinking deeper into Andrea's words James realised her mother hadn't meant it literally; Andrea didn't like to speak about this blatantly, and it had taken James a few years to realise that Andrea wasn't literal about anything.

After what seemed like years, a smile spread across Andrea's face, and she pushed open the car door without a word and flung herself down the steps down to the beach. James sighed as he watched her figure flit down to those similar to her, and then followed her carefully. When he reached the bottom she was nowhere to be seen, and so he took a bottle of water off of the make-shift table and took a seat on the logs around the fire.

After a few minutes of staring into the fire, three bodies came dancing towards him. It was Andrea, followed by a pair of her friends. Her face was alight with laughter, and her limbs were free and open. Her eyes were shining with happiness and her hair was flying over her eyes as she shook her head free of all of her troubles. A smile had spread fully across James' face by the time Andrea had taken a seat opposite him, her friends taking their places around her, each of them smiling largely and joking with each other like there was no tomorrow.

As James watched them, he thought about himself. For the first time since he had met Andrea, he focused on himself and his thoughts and feelings, and how strange it was that she dominated his mind. There was no doubt about it, Andrea was captivating. Her hair and her eyes sparkled and there was always a sense that you would get to know her at some point. The closest James had ever come was when she told him her biggest fear, and as far as he knew he was the only one who knew it.
He watched until Andrea's eyes flitted up to him. Usually he would look away quickly, afraid of being found out, but this time he held the gaze. Something in her look told him this was the right thing to do, and he was correct, because through the glare of the fire, a small smile was visible on Andrea's lips.
Not the smile she smiled at her two friends; a smile that was grateful, a smile that said thank you, and a smile that was so unusual that James forgot to respond. Andrea's expression dropped, and the moment that he was trying so hard to hold onto was lost.

~

They drive back in silence. James doesn't want to ruin it.
He turns the car into the cul de sac where Andrea lives, and drives right to end, to the large house facing down the small road to the main road. As they draw nearer Andrea becomes restless. She had stowed the brown paper bag in the glove box, but now she takes it out again, and is taking tentive sips from the rim.
James' grip on the wheel gets tighter with each sip until he is able to pull the clutch into park.
He sits back against the leather and breathes deeply, ready to say goodbye yet again.
But silence still reigns over the pair as Andrea puts the bottle inbetween her thighs and sits back, imitating James.
After a few minutes he swings his legs out as he pushes the door open, making sure not to make a sound and disturb Andrea's peace. He doesn't want to end on a bad note.
She follows suit after a few seconds and joins him on the bonnet. They face down the road, watching the lights of passing cars.
"Your parents are probably pissing themselves with worry," Andrea remarks, turning slightly to face James. He doesn't respond.
"You should go in," he finally says, not looking at his companion. He doesn't know why he's being so uptight, but he is and it's in the past. Andrea sighs and pushes herself down to the floor. She takes a few steps towards her house, and then she stops.
James thinks she's forgotten something. She turns around to face him, and then she takes the few steps back to him. His brows furrow in confusion as she stares at him head on, a defiant look spreading over her face slowly.
The minute James doesn't think he can take the close proximity any longer, Andrea reaches out her left hand and grabs the collar of his shirt. Before he has time to react she is pulling him towards her and pressing her lips onto his.
When she's decided she's had enough, she pulls away, the same defiant look on her hot face, and then she chuckles to herself drunkenly and flounces down the driveway to her doorway.
James is left on the bonnet of his car staring up at the grand house of the girl he is now certain he is in love with.
But who will never love him back.