Picking Up the Pieces: A Shisa Love Story (Slow Updates)

Let me explain...

Early August 2014

Lisa

Shane really hasn't been himself lately. I know he has a lot going on with all the drama between him and the director of Hollidaysburg, but still, he seems even more withdrawn than usual. He's been spending more and more time outside the apartment, and I know he would never cheat on me, but I can't help but wonder what's going on in his head. 

As I walk into the kitchen to clean up from dinner, Shane calls to me.

"Hey, Lisa?" he says.

"Yes, honey?" I reply.

"Can you come here? I kind of want to talk." Shane asks.

"Yeah, let me just finish doing the dishes and I'll be right there." I say.

Once I finish with the dishes, I meet Shane in the study where he is in the middle of editing a video. He has a nervous energy about him and it's kind of freaking me out.

"Okay, so what's up?" I say, trying to be nonchalant.

Shane quickly finishes his work on the computer and stands up. He then leads me over to the couch and we both sit down.

"I just wanted to talk about something kind of serious." he says with a straight face.

"Shane do not pull that shít with me again! You already 'fake broke up' with me last week!" I raise my voice. I'm so done with him being mean to me, even if it's meant to be a joke.

"I know, I'm sorry about that, but I'm not kidding about this, really. Just let me explain." Shane says, and then starts to pick at his fingernails.

"What do you mean, 'let me explain'? What did you do?" I say, my voice rising in pitch.

Shane rubs his hands over his face. 

"I just, I don't know how to explain what I want to say." he says, his speech getting faster.

I take a deep breath, in and out. 

"Alright, just start by trying to tell me how you feel." I say, trying to sound calmer.

Shane looks back up at me, and takes a moment to collect his thoughts. 

"Okay. So, you know how lately I've been really depressed? Well, I've been thinking about this for a really long time and I feel like it's time I told you how I'm really feeling." he says, his eyes welling up.

Tears start to fall freely from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. 

"Shane, you're scaring me." I say, my voice wavering.

Shane looks down and wipes the tears from his eyes, then looks back up, not at me. 

"I just feel like we're not good for each other right now. I'm not good for you; I'm not good for myself. I just think I need to be by myself for a while. I don't know if it'll last forever, but for right now, I think we need to be apart." he says softly.

I sniff and wipe the tears from my cheeks. 

"Are we breaking up?" I croak, unsuccessful to stop the tears from flowing.

Shane looks back at me. 

"I think we are." he says quietly.

I continue to cry, but silently as the tears fall down my face. 

"But I love you." I profess.

Shane has stopped crying now. 

"I know, but sometimes love just isn't enough."

That one statement broke something in me, and I start to sob, covering my face. Shane reaches out to me and holds me in his arms as I weep into his chest and he rocks me back and forth, quietly making shh-ing sounds in my ear. I can't believe I didn't see this coming. I just know that I can't hold onto Shane because then I'll lose him for good. I have to let him go for now and hope that he'll find himself, and then come back to me.

As my panic starts to subside, I stop crying and open my eyes. Shane loosens his embrace and looks down at me. I see that Corny has run into the room and is confused as to what is going on. Shane reaches to wipe the tears from my cheeks with his thumb, and then holds my face in his hands. We both look into each other's eyes for a few seconds before we both lean in to kiss each other, very gently at first. After a moment, the kiss starts to pick up and I realize what we're doing and pull away.

"Wait, Shane what are we doing?" I say, confused.

Shane just smiles at me, sadly, and says, "Saying goodbye."

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