10-61

Chapter 1: At the doctors

I sit in the hot car with my dad on our way to the doctors, to prescribe me anxiety medication. I groan "why do I need to do this, this is dumb" I say as I rest my head on my hand. "Shouldn't have have done what you did on your arm" my dad says pointing to my bracelets that covered my cuts and selfharm scars from my forearm down to my wrist. I sigh and look out the window. I put my ear buds that where connected to my phone and blasted my music until we arrived at the doctors office. We wait in the cold lounge, I watch the clock tick by every second and every minute. Finally a nurse calls my name. "Elliot?" The nurse asks in a soft voice. My dad and I follow the nurse, she bring me to a scale, I've always hated weight scales. I look at them as if they saying the number of how much I weigh, I have also always hated how much I've weighed. I stepped on the scale, the scale reads '102'. I try holding back my tears as I look at thethem number '102', I manage to keep my tears inside. The nurse guides us to a room, takes my blood pressure, and tells me and my dad the doctor will be in soon. My dad and I sit in the room "why do I need to do this?" I ask again "I'm fine" I add. "You've already been hospitalized once I don't want you do be hospitalized twice, I've keep you away from medication because I don't want to put chemicals in a brain that isn't fully developed yet. I'm going to try to see if medicine helps with your anxiety" my dad says. I've been in a psych ward two months ago because of selfharm. I didn't like the hospital, it was cold, the rooms have locked bathrooms and a big ass light on the wall that stays on all day and at night it's hard to stay asleep because it's so bright, so you or your roommate (if you have one at the time) have to give up one of your flat pillows to put in front of the light so it isn't so bright. The only good thing about the hospital was the patients, they are very kind, well most of them. The doctor walks in a few minutes later, prescribes me anxiety pills called 'Guanfacine'. We pick up the medication at the drug store in town and go home. When I walk into my house I walk straight to my room, blast music in my ears, text my best friend Luke, and eventually fall asleep. I don't like music most kids at my school listen to. I like alternative music and bands like Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, My Chemical Romance, Twenty Øne Pilots, stuff like that. I soon fall asleep listening to music that makes me sad yet happy.