Dear Nobody

September 27, 2015

Dear Nobody,
I saw another story like this on wattpad. My friend wrote it actually. But while hers was a story, mine is going to be 100% truth. And here is how I came to deciding on writing you.

It feels like nobody ever listens to me and takes what I say to heart. They may listen but dismiss my thoughts. So I start bottling things up. I don't tell anybody when I wish I was dead already or when I hate myself so much it hurts. I don't tell anybody when I am scared or am hurting. I bottle it up and whenever somebody pushes me on a bad day, I release all of that hate and hurt on them. I regret it, but not as much as I should.

Of course, I am a messed up narrator. I am a middle child, so I am stuck with comparisons. "You need to not be a screw up like your sister" "you should be going out more" "you need to make your own legacy and not live in your siblings'." So I tried to find the one thing I could be better than my siblings at, which was school. Now I'm a junior in high school, second in my class, and all I want is to just give up. I don't want the 5 honors classes anymore or the expectation to go to an amazing college. I just want to lie down and fall asleep without pressure. I would kill to not be Atlas anymore.

Of course, I can't. That would be a failure. So here I am, the day before my brother's birthday, ready to just stop and give up. So I'm writing you, Nobody. So that somebody knows that I hurt.

Xoxo,
Me