What Are You Doing At My House? (ON HOLD)

Lets try to cope with this, Back to my roots.

i went to dublin and i had comeback my sentances have increased now saying hi and other little words i leaved the morning after we got back but two days later im back to london and i need to change, I scare myself, i need to cope with this and i think going back to my home town would be a good idea

i sat at my computer and i looked at plane times and saw a really good one for tomorrow morning 

i walked down the stairs and called to Callie, "Hey Callie, Can we Talk!"

"Uh-i- yeah?!" she said confused with my long sentance

i walked in and saw Niall sittting there too looking like they just got down with a intense conversation

"Callie, i think i need to go back to my home town for a week, and just cope with this so i stop, dragging me and everyone down with me it's not fair and seeing my old life and being with the people that are dear to me might help me and learn that I can move on."

"Uh- thats a great idea, do you want me to come?"

"No i can see your trying to settle, and you can take care of the apartment."

"Then why don't i go with you?" the Irish voice said

i looked at him, "You would really want to go with me?"

"Yeah sure, and i would love to spend some time with you."

"Ok, but can you leave like tomorrow morning?" letting a pink tinge come to my cheeks, at his words

"Yes, i can but let me go pack and then i'll stay here for the night and we can leave, what time is the flight?"

"we need to leave by three in the morning."

"Ok im going to go pack and arrange stuff for my leaving, i'll be back."

Niall left and I sat with Callie we sat there for a few hours and i needed to talk to her

"You, know i have to do this i can't keep sitting her looking at myself in the mirror and having all these thoughts, i have become afraid of myself and things that shouldn't scare me, i can't even fall asleep at night because the darkness is to frightening for me, thats all that my life has become and i'm just thinking maybe just maybe that going to the people that loved me and my dad and brother the most will help me move on, show me that everything will be alright and that even though it's just me that i can do it and still be the strong and independent woman my dad raised me to be."

i rubbed my face, "I can't keep doing this it's tearing me apart, i can't help but to think that i should have tooken there place, it-"

i was cut off by Callie, "NO MEL THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN YOU AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TIRED OF IS YOU DEPRESSED IT GETS BETTER THERE IN A BETTER PLACE, YOU ARE FUCKING STRESSING ME OUT, YOU NEED TO SNAP OUT OF THIS I CAN'T TAKE YOU NOT BEING MELODY ANY MORE!"

My blood started to boil but i tired to keep my cool it wasn't like Cal to get like this she was just pulled to far

"YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THERE IN A BETTER PLACE BUT THAT VERY HARD TO BELIEVE LEAVING ME HERE ALONE, SCARED, LOST, HELPLESS NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO, THEY FUCKING TALK ABOUT MY FAMILY LIKE THEY WERE JUST A BODY WITH A HEART BEAT AND NOTHING ELSE, I'VE HAD TO DECIDE TO DO WITH MY FATHER AND BROTHERS BODIES ALL BY MYSELF, YOU CAN'T DO IT BE IN MY SHOES HAVE NOTHING LEFT I WOULD GET RID OF EVERYTHING EVERYTHING I OWN AND MORE LIVE ON THE STREETS TO HAVE MY FATHER BACK TO CALL ME AND TELL ME HE LOVES ME AND THAT HE'LL BE HOME IN TWO WEEKS WAITING FOR HIM TO HUG ME AND TELL ME THAT IM SOO STRONG AND I CAN DO ANYTHING, BUT I CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE, IM NOTHING!"

i yelled at the top of my lungs slightly scarring Callie at my out burst, i got up and walked to the wall slamming my fist hard at it leaving a pretty big hole and my fist badly bleeding from it, with my luck Niall happened to walk in for my outburst, all of it and sat by the door stunned, i pushed past him but not to hard i walked out not sure where im going but i had to be back tonight, i walked to a bar and sat down, now i hate drinks and i have never drank like this maybe iv'e had two beers in my life, i got a shot and drank it without showing any emotion it felt like nothing i ordered one more and then sat there watching the blood dry in my hand.