While You Were Away ✈ (On Edition)

Foreword

The sky is fucking clouded, damn raindrops tickle my nose, and the shitty wind amuses itself playing with my hair and crafting tangles all over it. Orange leaves move in rhythm with the air, dancing in circles, spirals, or simply flying around. A single sun ray sneaks across the clouds silhouettes, the final touch to what could've looked like a beautiful sunset to any other person but me. Perhaps on another afternoon, with a paintbrush between my fingers, I would've found it meaningful. Not today.

My forehead frowns, tongue cursing the weather as I fight back the need to flip off mother nature. Sunsets remind me of him, of those deep blue eyes I've come to adore, the same that could light up every corner of a room. They remind me of the warm colours sunlight tinges the messy curls of his hair, his skin, the soft curves of his lips...

Unconsciously, fingertips travel along my mouth. God damn it. Albeit my efforts to resist it, my mind keeps wandering off to that fucking kiss, how he held me against his chest, close and secure, as if we were meant for each other, made for the other.

"Hey Lou," I murmur, unsure of the following words. " Would you, hmm... would you date a married guy?"

"What?" Taken aback, she looks at me with puzzled eyes. After lingering her look into my eyes, seeking to find in them the reason behind such ridiculous question, she sighs, pondering for a moment. "Well if I love him, truly love him, and if he loves me back... Yeah, I would."

Thank God.

If Louise would do it, why the hell wouldn't I? It's risky, yes, maybe too risky, but love works that way. That's why they call it "to fall in love", right? Because it's exactly that, a fall, and the person you love might catch you or mightn't.

I'm certain he would catch me, no matter how dangerous and frightening the fall is, he would be there to wrap me by the waist and bring me close to him. What if it is enough? To just stand there, in the arms of someone who adores me, to let his love steady me for a little while?

The night of our last first kiss, it felt so good, so incredibly good, just to be held.
By him.

"But Lou, what if he... " I swallow, words trapped in my tongue, which I push out with a nervous murmur, "What if he has daughters?"

Louise arches an eyebrow, staring at me. "Look, I study these things. I'm a scholar and I don't get tangled up in trivial matters of the heart. Not anymore," she says, losing her gaze on memories, a glimpse of pain flashing across her irises, only for a second. "With Louis, I wanted to stand up next to him and fight, for his health, for our love...hell, for everything. So if you love him, Harper, fight to stay long enough next to him. Fight for the only thing I know that is good enough, noble enough, powerful enough to be worth risking everything.

Happiness."

"But..."

"If he's your happiness, fuck it! Do it."

I bury my face in my hands. The truth scares me, it does, but being in his arms make me feel like the sea finding its shore, like a sailor after a long, hard, adrift --finally, returning home. Once back, the tender pressure of his lips soothes me, like a sip of water after the shipwreck, when every part of me felt so broken and lost.

Indeed, he is my happiness.
Married or not.