Guys... I've been thinking about this a lot. What if I kill myself before 2030. I mean... Life is absolute shit for me and I don't think anyone would miss me. Most people don't like me. When I try to help someone, they blame me for something. My initial thoughts were that I came to this with a purpose. To help people. That's what I love doing. I love making people smile and laugh, because it completes my life. And if I can't do any of those things, then what is the purpose of me living? Am I just going to sit there and let things happen because I can't do anything? I won't do that. Ever. Yesterday, in my French class, we were supposed to write about how our life would be in 2030. Everyone already knew what to write, except for me. I sat for literally 45 minutes without writing one word in my book. That's when I actually thought about it. I don't have any plans. At all. I had only planned my life on college. After that, nothing. I could swear I felt one tear shed, and I never ever cry. I can't anyways. I think it's a permanent problem.
What I am trying to say is, what if I actually jumped off a bridge or drowned myself or ya know. Will it even matter to anyone? Would everyone be sad for like three days and completely forget about it? Like I never existed in the first place? I am exhausted. I am sick of it. My mental and physical state have been drained. I'm empty inside. I don't know what to do anymore...
....I'm gonna go to sleep. Bye.
