The Hard Way

The Hurt

"The hurt is in a person's eyes, Jolene. There don't have to be bruises, broken bones, or even tears. You can see when someone's spirit has been broken just by looking into their eyes. Abuse doesn't exist in a real, loving relationship. Love is a complex thing, baby, but one thing it definitely isn't, is cruel. Abuse isn't good for anybody, not for the victim who suffers through it, not for the abuser who never learns to love in a real sense, not for the families they come from or their future families to come."

Jolene looks away from me and I sigh. How to explain it to someone so much younger? 'I was once just like you... Human experience differs very little from generation to generation... I know what you're going through...Though the times be different, we all hope, fear, and need love...'

But I don't say any of these things because I know. I would not have listened either. I would not, as a kid, have believed my grandfather could possibly know what my life was like. Inherently, we all know that the sole possession we truly own is our experience, and we refuse to share it, refuse to believe we are all very much alike; so we spend a good portion of our lives fighting the sameness. And it's too bad. Had we trusted, and listened as adolescents, we could have avoided so many mistakes. When you are my age, you finally, belatedly, understand.

I can't help but see myself through Jolene's eyes. An old man. Her grandfather, whose sole existence (as she's ever known it) is bird watching, coffee, and occasional checker games. No matter how many stories I tell of my youth, I will only ever be an old man in her mind.

"Jolene, I will always love you, no matter what. But it's time to end this. Because I know for a fact that it has come to violence- I've seen the marks. Don't think I mistake those for accidents, I know what a day-old punch looks like. You'll be doing Mark a favor too. You're both young enough to change this pattern of behavior. Neither of you belong in the darkness. "

She looks like stone as she sits there, all but unblinking. I'm getting exasperated, but I suppress every bit of it. I have to if I hope to get through to her.

"I know it's easy to believe that there is hope for everything. Fairy tales condition us to believe that after the darkness, there will always be light. But I promise you, Jolene, this is not how real life works. Now is the time. While it is an escapable problem. Don't wait 'til one of you is dead."

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Despite what he believes, I think about what Grandpa said as I walk back to our apartment.

'ABUSE: Always Bad, U Should Escape.' A half smile plays across my lips. I like that. One of those anti-abuse campaigns should use that. Mark will be home already, and I'm wondering about dinner as I turn the key in the door. It doesn't even finish closing before the fists start flying.