Florist AU

P.2

Hey! If you read the first part then thanks! I'm not sure how long this will be, but I hope you like it, or whatever.*"*"*

Dan twisted the cap off of his pill bottle and took two of them out, setting them on the table. He grabbed the bottle of water from his right side and unscrewed the lid, letting it fall on the floor. He jammed both of the pills down his throat, taking a big drink of water. Rubbing his eyes, Dan stood up and nearly fell down. He felt dizzy, almost sick. His heart was beating fast, and as he tried to steady himself out against the wall. He needed to calm down. There was nothing to be afraid of, nothing, nothing.. Nothing that could harm him, and nothing that he couldn't change. He was Dan Howell! He was very accomplished for his age, and well respected on top of that. No. That's why he had gotten fired. Dan Howell was weak, worthless and terrible. He couldn't do anything right. He was garbage. "That's right." He thought, balled up in a corner. "Worthless. Filth."

He couldn't start crying. Well, given the circumstances that he was in, he could. Most people would do that, letting out their emotions in a healthy way. But Dan wouldn't give in. He didn't like himself, and because of that, he wouldn't take care of his body, or his mind. Dan, (despite the praise that had been showered upon him throughout his entire career up to this point) hated every fiber of his body. He hated his greasy hair, his awful physique and most of all, Dan hated his personality. He had trouble socializing with people who he wasn't already comfortable with, and he had trouble continuing relationships and conversations, especially with people who he liked. Also, he was incredibly anxious, worrying and obsessing everything that could lead up to an altercation, or where he would have to face up against something that was bigger than him. Something that was better than him. But for a long time, he had been able to control his emotions. Control for him consisted of bottling up his emotions for a long time, and then releasing them in a chaotic, unpredictable manner. Rolarch had been but on 'suspension' for doing just that. Until he could find a better way to work with his colleges and himself, he wasn't allowed back to his forensics job at the Kalf. He needed a break from everything, so he got more intense pills, and locked himself in his apartment all day. His long time friend, Louise checked up on him every know and again, but he had nearly no contact with the outside world. Which is what (he thought) he wanted.