Sincere ; a book of Vikklan oneshots

Maybe

Veston & VikkLan ; angst
Trigger warning
A letter to Preston from Vikk.

I never told you that you were the one who always made me smile, the only one who made my life worth while. I loved you, Preston. In all honesty, I could've told you through Skype. But I thought that such special words would be better spoken in person. I would've confessed to you when we met, you were flying to me anyway. But alas I never got to tell you that. I really wanted to Preston,

But you were dead.

Your plane crashed on it's way to London, where we were supposed to be strolling on the streets together as a couple. I got a call from your room-mate, Jerome, he told me that no one survived the crash. My life was crumbling, it wasn't worth living anymore. Suicide was my last resort, I was just a day or two away from doing it. But of course before doing that, I had to see you for one last time.

Then I met him, I met that unfortunate Australian.

To this day I still laugh miserably over the fact that we met at the morgue where you were kept after the accident. The Australian had a special someone abroad the crashed plane too. The name Robert was cried over my cries of your name. Maybe it was some sort of fate that we met. As the Australian and I walked out of the morgue, eyes swollen and throat dry, we looked at each other and thought that maybe we should talk.

His name was Lachlan.

The two of you, yes you and Robert or preferably Rob became the pinnacle of our conversations. Lachlan and Rob were going to go on a lovely vacation together, but sadly it never happened. They had different flights as Lachlan was Australian and Rob was Canadian. It amazed me that they had a long distance relationship for over three years. Almost as long as ours, except we only had friendship, nothing more. The conversation continued as I talked about me and you.

I fell for him eventually.

He reminded me of you in some way, his smile was charming like yours, he's a little childish and immature too. Bright blue eyes and quiffed blonde hair, he was perfect in my eyes. After losing you I thought I'd never be able to love another, but Lachlan was simply irresistible no matter what. It started with that one conversation, then we exchanged numbers and emails. Texting, skyping, it quickly became a daily routine. Despite the accident, he still stayed in London and we accompanied each other for most of his days here.

I broke down a few times when I remembered you.

Quite a few time he broke down when Rob came upon his mind too. Thank God we had each other if we ever needed comfort. I guess Lachlan and I did understood each other the best. We both went trough loneliness, hopelessness, and most of all the feeling of emptiness. You were the most crucial piece of my life as Rob was Lachlan's. But it felt like Lachlan slowly begun to fill in the missing piece that you left in my life.

Then I realized that I was mistaken.

For a few months, we were happy with each other's presence. From strangers, we became friends, then best friends, alas we admitted how we felt for each other. We were deeply in love, although memories of past lovers were still fresh on our minds. The new memories I made with Lachlan were wondrous, never knew it would end so quickly though.

Simply put, Lachlan just died.

He somehow got into a car accident. I watched him bleed to death on the road, Preston. I'm desperate, depressed, hopeless, stressed, I want myself dead. Why does everything I love die Preston? Why? Is it so bad that I want to love someone? To be with someone I love? I'm so sorry. If only I didn't love you. If only I didn't meet and love Lachlan. The two of you would probably be happy with someone else.

Lachlan said he would never leave me like you did.

I knew those words were just sweet little lies, but I wanted to believe in him, like how I believed in you. I knew he'd leave me eventually, but I didn't expect him to leave so fast. I miss him so much, like how I still miss you. I wouldn't have loved again if I knew this would happen. Then again if you expect much from life, it'll disappoint you.

There's no one here for me anymore.

You know what? I'm sick and tired of hurting. Life had only given me more and more shit for the past few months. Maybe it's their way of telling me that I shouldn't be alive anymore. I'm done Preston, I'm coming with you, Lachlan, and Rob. Maybe after I die, we could meet again. I could love again. I'd be happy. Still, that's just a little maybe.

If we don't meet again, I'm sorry.

Forgive me, Preston. Tell that to Lachlan too.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I can feel the pills effecting my bloodstream.

I'm so sorry.

This could be goodbye

See you, Preston.

I don't know.

Maybe?