The Actress

Tough love

It was 6 in the morning and I get harshly woken up by my father. "Yallah get up ya himaar." (You donkey)

I hear my fathers harsh words ringing through my ears. I get up aprubtly and do my daily routine. My elder sisters are asleep. They never get woken up in the morning it's as if they are praised. I try not to think about it much. Allah sees me and he will give me justice on the day of judgement inshallah. As I walk down the stairs I try not to bump into anything. I make my father tea and give him pita bread and honey. My mother and him fight every morning. I honestly think they would be better off with a divorce. What is the point of being labeled "married" when both couples have affairs.  I set down the food before him and he scowls at it. "What's this? You call this food? Aqas alayk! You are such a disgrace you cannot even make a proper meal! Perhaps I should call upon my other beloved daughters to do so. Yallah rooh Go wake up the children for school." I become numb to his nonsense of responses. That's all he ever eats anyway. And I know for a fact he will eat it right after I leave because he always does. He just says that to bring me down. I scoff in his face and say nothing.

Getting the kids up was a struggle but finding outfits for little grade school kids was just irritating. There has to be something wrong with every shirt or khakis. I was exhausted by the time I was done. By 7:39 I finally sent them off to their busses. I hurried upstairs and threw on a oversized Nike sweater, faded blue skinny jeans, white hijab, and my white converse shoes. I didn't have time for makeup or any of that junk. I arrived downstairs and my sisters looked like they were about to go to a magazine shoot. They gave me evil smirks as if to say "haha".  My mother gave them 20$ cash each for lunch and she gave me nothing. I honestly could careless. They think I care for money or anything they own. I just left the house feeling pity for them. Alhamdulilah Allah gave me iman. I work and make my own money. I'm saving up for a car but that's really hard when you work at a retail store. I was listening to nasheeds on my iPod and then I saw a car booming with music zoom right past me. It was my family. They don't let me ride their car and I don't have one yet so I walk or ride the metro bus or train to school. 

I finally arrived at school after 15minutes of walking. I was hugging my sweater tightly because it was a cold fall morning. I entered the school building a wave of heat hit me. It felt great, but I didn't feel so great. It was just another day at school pulling off a lie. A lie that my parents bring me to school, a lie that I even ate breakfast, a lie that I can't hangout after school, a lie that was just simply smiling. I hated it utterly and deeply but hey, what can I do I  am useless and helpless.

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Xoxoxo please don't judge this is actually a real story and I'm just writing it anonymously but yah this is my life. Great isn't it? My happy place is when I write and I think this is a perfect way to be expressing myself. You guys are the only people I can vent to but I hope you like it so far. Xoxoxo all my love. Vote. Share. Stay blessed babes.