The Grey In His Eyes! Dramoine Story (Draco & Hermione)

Chapter 15 ~ For Now

"Maybe we were meant to be lonely, lonely 

Maybe we were meant to be on our own 

Loneliness has always been with me, with me 

But maybe we don't have to be all alone" 

~ The Fighter by the Fray 

They had fallen into a dysfunctional routine. They would talk for a while, perhaps kiss a few times, argue, and then somewhere during the argument end up falling between the sheets of Draco's bed. 

But it wouldn't last. It never lasted. Simply because Draco would snap, or Hermione would shut herself away in an attempt to block him out. But neither one lasted long, and so would begin the dysfunctional routine again. 

They knew it was a bad idea to grow closer to each other, to pull themselves deeper into the mess that was their complicated arrangement, but it didn't seem possible to pull away anymore. 

It just seemed that they were made to kiss, to touch, to savor, to blossom... But how could they blossom in times like those? It seemed to be the precisely right thing at the precisely wrong time. That was how things always happened, though. Nothing seemed to just be 'right' then... Everything had to have some 'wrong' in it. 

Running seemed logical. Running away from the war, from their relationship... From themselves. But somehow running seemed to work the way it was planned. Nothing seemed to work at all. Everything was dysfunctional. Their camp, their training, their relationship, their coping mechanisms... themselves. There were days when they just wanted to run away entirely, but yet they couldn't. 

They couldn't leave everyone who needed them. 

They couldn't leave each other. 

:::::::::::::: 

"Why do we keep trying? Why do we keep doing this?" questioned Hermione. "I mean... Doesn't it seem more logical to just give up, or to let go? This will all just - 

"End in tears" Draco rolled his eyes. "Granger, we keep trying because we need this now more than we need anything else. We keep trying because we both want this... And I think we still have a right to want things". 

"You said just weeks ago there wasn't room to want things". 

He shrugged. "You have... changed my views. You've changed a lot of things for me". 

He cupped her face in his hands and was reminded how small; how fragile she really was. And yet, she wasn't fragile at all. That was one of the things he admired about Hermione, she had a strong personality despite her petite stature. Her eyelids fluttered when he ran his thumbs up her cheek bones tenderly. 

"You've changed a lot for me too" she replied, meeting his eyes. They seemed to be softer each time she looked into them, but she thought it could have been her imagination. "I just can't help but think about the consequences of all this... We're creating a mess". 

And he knew it was a mess, too. But it was a beautiful mess. It was a mess that helped take away the pain, and was his healthiest coping mechanism. For some reason, he knew he wouldn't be able to clean it up, no matter how hard he tried. 

::::::::::::: 

"We need spies" said Draco at one of the Order meetings. "And we need them quickly. The other side has spies, and I think it's safe to say that we're not going to make any progress whatsoever if we remain in the dark". 

"Spying is too dangerous, it's putting our life on the line" argued Ginny. "And the last thing we need is more people dying. Soon enough, we're all going to die out".