What Hurts The Most (August Alsina)

28

Part 2

August

When Aiden came runnin' into my legs I was shocked to say the least. I mean I ain't thank I'd be talkin' let alone seein' him no time soon, but shit, here he is. While he was huggin' on my legs I looked up at Jasmine jus' to make sure all this shit was real but sho' enough she was standin' right thea' lookin' sad. Once it set in what was going on I reached down and picked Aiden up so I could hug him, and I hugged him tight as hell like if I were to let him go he'd be gone again.

I Ain't even gone lie I was so damn happy right na that I could fuckin' cry man. Like no one in the world understand how much Aiden mean to me. Not one person will understand that. It was like I jus' through myself right into takin' on the position as a father once the idea was even thrown into the air and that made me love and love him more and more erry damn day, because I ain't look at it as me havin' to try and like him. In my head that was already my son and I was gone love him from jump so that's what I did. Havin' errythang that I thought to be true turn out to be a lie though, fucked me up mentally, but I'm so glad I ain't lose him forever man.

He pulled away from me and smiled real big showin' off the lil gaps in his teeth. "Dad, I haven't seen you in forever!"

"I know man, it's been so long."

"I thought you were mad at me and mommy so you didn't want to see us again." He admitted.

I shook my head, hurt that that's how he was thankin' in his mind. Wit' all the fucked up shit that's been goin' on I can see how he thought that bein' a kid and all, but I need him to understand that I could never be mad at him enough to not wanna see him. Even after all this he still my heart and I still want him around.

"Naw man, I could neva be mad at you. I love you too much it was jus' a lot of stuff goin' on wit' ya mama and I and we had ta figure some thangs out. Dad was neva mad at you man." I assured him.

He smiled real big again and then hugged me 'round my neck one more time. "I love you dad."

"I love you too man."

He let go of me and I put him down on the ground so he could stand on his own. He caught wind of the girls runnin' 'round behind us and pointed that way. "Can I go say Hi to my cousins?"

"Yeah, gone head and go play wit' them."

"Yes! Kay Kay, Chay!" He yelled they names while he took off in that direction leavin' me and Jas at the gate by ourselves.

I looked back up at her and she still had the same sad expression on her face. She was kickin' some dirt around wit' her foot and then looked up at me Afta a lil bit of time of me starin' at her. Lookin' at her it was like she ain't had no sleep in a minute and that made me wonder about a lot of thangs but I jus' went wit' the question that's been on my mind since I seen them step foot in here.

"What made you change yo mind 'bout leavin'?" I asked her.

She chewed on her bottom lip for a second and then sighed. "I can't keep him away from you. You're probably the only man that'll ever love my son like he's suppose to and teach him things that he needs to know and I can't take all of that away from him especially when he needs you most."

"But what made you thank it was gone be okay to do it befoe?"

"I didn't do it, that wasn't me." She quickly said. It was like once she realized what came out of her mouth, her mouth fell open a lil and then she shook her head. "I mean, that wasn't me as in I wasn't in the right state of mind."