Learning to Adapt

Chapter 4

When I came to the realization that I had loved him all along, my arms tightened around him and he seemed shocked. Then I felt my back press against the couch when he read my mind and saw I had finally accepted him. My head was swirling with dizziness from lack of oxygen, and I broke away briefly, gasping for air. As soon as I got my breathing under control, he instantly crushed his lips to mine again. His whole body was pressed against mine as he pinned me further into the couch, and I never wanted his arms to let me go. When he did finally break his lips away from mine, he stared into my eyes.

"You don't want me to stop do you?" he whispered as his finger carressed my cheek. A smile twitched at the corner of my mouth as I shook my head. He smiled and let out a long breath.

"Me neither, but I don't think that we should do that... right now." he said.

I nodded my head in agreement. He smiled again and kissed me softly.Butterflies fluttered in my stomach every time he touched me.  

"Can I get in your head now?" He asked. I shook my head fiercely. I didn't care if he read my thoughts, but I wasn't going to let him manipulate my emotions. He smirked. 

"What? You don't trust me?" He asked.  

"Not since you told me what you use it for." I said. 

"Well I wouldn't have to do that with you. If I wanted sex, all I would have to do is ask." He whispered, his cool breath brushing against my neck and raising goosebumps. My fingers dug into his back as I gripped him tighter. My heart sped up as I envisioned what he was saying. He was right, no doubt about that. But we had agreed to wait for now.

"See, I'm right." He said. 

"I know, but you wouldn't do that since you said we would wait." I replied. He shrugged but smiled again.  

"Yeah, but I also wouldn't manipulate your emotions in that way. You can trust me." He breathed, his lips brushing my ear. I squeezed my eyes shut. 

"No." I said firmly. He sighed and climbed off of me. 

"Fine." He huffed, crossing his arms. I climbed into his lap, and he uncrossed his arms to wrap them around me. I hugged him tightly, trying to make him understand that I couldn't trust him that much. Not yet.

"I love you." He whispered to me. I thought my heart had literally stopped for a second there. I stiffened, and he took that as a sign of nervousness.  

"I'm sorry." He said, obviously embarrassed. When I just blushed, the tension grew and he got up and was gone in a flash. I strained my ears and heard a door in the hallway shut softly. I wrapped my arms around my legs and sat there, staring in shock at the coffee table. He had said he loved me. I mean, I know I had said that in my head, but it felt like it meant so much more coming out of his mouth. I didn't think I had the strength to say it back yet. We still had a lot of work to do before we could be on the same page, but I was willing to try to get there with him. 

I felt like I should go comfort him or tell him it was okay, but I didn't know what I would say, so I just sat there and sighed.

I didn't want to stay in the house, but I didn't want to take a walk without Chris because of what happened earlier. I didn't want to watch TV either, so I just laid down on the couch and stared blankly at the wall. I was pretty tired, so I tried to focus on sleeping, but Chris kept popping into my head. I kept remembering what had happened between us. When I finally managed to get him out of my head, I slowly fell asleep. 

I kept dreaming over and over again about Chris touching me, running his hands down my body and slowly unbuttoning my shirt, pressing my skin against his. It was so tempting, and I found myself frustrated at the fact that it wasn't real. I was shocked when I realized that I wanted it to be real. So badly.