Dear Self

Chaper:1 Part:1

Darkest Days

By: Maya Fowler

As he lay in his bed, his arms bloodied and riddled with cuts new and old, he tries to remember a happier time in his life. But alas he could not. His life wasn't particularly bad; he had very loving parents, good grades, a very supportive and loving girlfriend, and amazing people that he had the pleasure of calling his friends but he wasn't happy. He wasn't ungrateful for everything that he had he just felt empty and as though he wasn't meant to have the life that he had. He wasn't depressed or a victim of bullying, he was just simply unhappy. No words could express how he was feeling and none ever would. Except maybe the word empty. That word spoke many volumes for him yet he couldn't decipher why he felt that way. He started to feel dizzy as more blood seeped out of his wounds. He wanted so much to feel like he had more of a purpose in his life than just being there. Somewhere in his heart he felt broken, like his life was a lie and that he would wake up from a dream/nightmare and be happy. But no matter how hard he tried he could not wake up. Because with life you can make your own decisions but in dreams you cannot simply choose what to do your mind chooses for you. He wanted so badly to escape from the world and go to where he would not feel the pain in his heart anymore. He sat up, although slightly dizzy, and made his way to his bathroom to cleanse the cuts he created and bandage his arms. This was a routine cycle for him. He would wake up in the mornings wishing he hadn't and go through his daily routine. He would wear a fake smile at school and pretend that he wasn't hurting but behind closed doors he would break and cry at how he couldn't go on living with this constant pain. The cutting and blood would come next and he would lay there either until he passed out or until he felt dizzy enough to see glimpses of a woman dressed in white telling him to "come home". He never exactly knew what that meant or who that woman was but he felt as though he knew her. He suddenly heard soft knocks coming from the other side of his room door. He immediately knew who it was and answered. Seeing that it was his mother he opened his door a bit wider hiding his arms from her sight. "I just wanted to see if you were okay in here." He knew the way his mother cared about him made him feel worse about what he was doing. Even though he knew what he was doing was hurting the people around him more than he was hurting himself he couldn't bring himself to stop. His mom suddenly hugs him and he returns the embrace full heartedly. His mom then releases him from the hug and kisses his cheek before going off to her room. After watching her walk away he decides to call his friends. He grabs his phone and unlocks it and quickly starts texting his girlfriend Meulin.